this post was submitted on 13 Aug 2023
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Not The Onion

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[–] sndmn@lemmy.ca 180 points 1 year ago (1 children)

That's the hardest working "or" I've ever seen.

[–] adj16@lemmy.world 10 points 1 year ago

Lmaooo. This got a genuine belly laugh out of me

[–] FurtiveFugitive@lemm.ee 83 points 1 year ago (1 children)

At first it sounds like a helluva coin toss but in the end you end up with a stiff.

[–] I_Am_Jacks_____@lemmings.world 46 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I hope you get to choose. One outcome seems better than the other.

[–] Lizardon@lemmy.ml 25 points 1 year ago (2 children)

I mean, the outcomes are not mutually exclusive.

[–] ProfessorZhu@lemmy.world 9 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Ah this is what happened to that old man in the first clerks movie

[–] Drusas@kbin.social 3 points 1 year ago

One of the best movies ever. So New Jersey.

[–] nightwatch_admin@feddit.nl 2 points 1 year ago

Death by snu snu?

[–] GoofSchmoofer@lemmy.world 39 points 1 year ago (1 children)

"I'm here to give out erections and death... and I'm all out of erections!"

[–] _g_be@lemmy.world 1 points 1 year ago

I've got just the one. You can borrow it, in pulses

[–] eran_morad@lemmy.world 38 points 1 year ago (2 children)

So what is it, like 50/50?

[–] rockerface@lemm.ee 16 points 1 year ago

The question is, is it an exclusive or?

[–] artofcode@programming.dev 5 points 1 year ago

Those are odds I can work with

[–] J12@lemmy.world 32 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (2 children)

“the erection is a side effect that everybody who gets stung by this spider will experience along with the pain and discomfort”

🤷‍♀️

[–] ohlaph@lemmy.world 16 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Imagine being a women... Do they get erections as well?

[–] Blumpkinhead@lemmy.world 31 points 1 year ago

What part of "everybody" wasn't clear here?

[–] hark@lemmy.world 27 points 1 year ago

Actually yeah, the clitoris.

[–] HubertManne@kbin.social 2 points 1 year ago (1 children)

how are masochists not breeding these things!

[–] mojofrododojo@lemmy.world 3 points 1 year ago

people eat ghost peppers. I wouldn't be surprised if someone tried this.

[–] iHUNTcriminals@lemm.ee 31 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (2 children)

So... As an American do i have to order these online from Canada if I don't have a script?

[–] candyman337@sh.itjust.works 23 points 1 year ago

No no it's female reproductive rights we limit in this country

[–] ohlaph@lemmy.world 5 points 1 year ago

Yes, but our insurance won't cover it and calling or visiting a site to a inquire will cost $5500.

[–] Wolf_359@lemmy.world 23 points 1 year ago

Tried to kill myself like this once but the spider kept stiffing me.

[–] Buddahriffic@lemmy.world 17 points 1 year ago

It'll reopen after "comprehensive cleaning and disinfecting" in about a week... That's pretty quick for rebuilding a burnt down supermarket.

Though in all seriousness, I can't tell if the evacuation was an overreaction or if the decision to reopen after just cleaning and disinfecting is sweeping this under the rug. Seems to me like either they should have just warned customers there was a very venomous spider somewhere on the loose or made sure they caught/killed the spider before reopening. It's like they are treating a spider like covid back when we didn't understand how it transmitted.

Unless they are leaving the "we filled the supermarket with deadly poison to kill it" part out, which then makes the cleaning before reopening make sense.

[–] Elephant0991@lemmy.bleh.au 17 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

Dead boner in Aisle 6, in Aisle 6!

[–] GreenMario@lemm.ee 15 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Women who get bit: Guess I'll die 🤷‍♀️

[–] bigbluealien@kbin.social 22 points 1 year ago

"the erection is a side effect that everybody who gets stung by this spider will experience"
From the article, no escape women

[–] TheLobotomist@lemmy.dbzer0.com 17 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Never heard of clitoris erections? The clitoris is just a tiny penis

[–] Drusas@kbin.social 21 points 1 year ago (1 children)

The penis is just a big clitoris.

[–] rockerface@lemm.ee 7 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] victron@programming.dev 12 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I'm not clicking that shit, thank you.

[–] rockerface@lemm.ee 9 points 1 year ago (1 children)

It's just a Wikipedia link OwO

[–] LexaMaridia@lemmy.world 5 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Adding the extra spice with OwO

[–] rockerface@lemm.ee 4 points 1 year ago

I am simply stating the trUwUth

[–] hoodlem@hoodlem.me 10 points 1 year ago (1 children)

By the time the fire brigade arrived at the store, the spider was nowhere to be seen, local media reported.

The fire brigade. I imagine them busting in. “Nobody move! It’s possible you may get an erection!”

[–] GBU_28@lemm.ee 3 points 1 year ago

Penis inspection day is now today!

I know none of you had time to prepare, as is your normal right, but get those dick out now

[–] Jackolantern@lemmy.world 8 points 1 year ago

What a toss up of extremes

[–] BilboBargains@lemmy.world 6 points 1 year ago

The spider is described as a small blue diamond and is often accompanied by older men.

[–] hactar42@lemmy.world 4 points 1 year ago

~~cake~~ erection or death

[–] nieceandtows@programming.dev 3 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Delectable tea, or deadly poison?

[–] kescusay@lemmy.world 2 points 1 year ago

I understood that reference.

[–] intensely_human@lemm.ee 3 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] 41ZWJh7Mgg@lemmy.world 2 points 1 year ago

It’s a W either way

[–] someguy3@lemmy.ca 3 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Confirmed banana spider.

Obligatory Jibbers Crabst https://youtu.be/ZZ_BtZ-5O60

[–] Drusas@kbin.social 7 points 1 year ago

There are way too many species that are called banana spiders. That looks absolutely nothing like the banana spiders we had where I used to live (which were harmless).

[–] x4740N@lemmy.world 1 points 1 year ago

I think death or erections are side effects of what the spiders bite actually does

Death Boner Live