It’s not wrong. No one will go to Heaven.
this post was submitted on 24 Aug 2023
286 points (93.1% liked)
Atheist Memes
5549 readers
598 users here now
About
A community for the most based memes from atheists, agnostics, antitheists, and skeptics.
Rules
-
No Pro-Religious or Anti-Atheist Content.
-
No Unrelated Content. All posts must be memes related to the topic of atheism and/or religion.
-
No bigotry.
-
Attack ideas not people.
-
Spammers and trolls will be instantly banned no exceptions.
-
No False Reporting
-
NSFW posts must be marked as such.
Resources
International Suicide Hotlines
Non Religious Organizations
Freedom From Religion Foundation
Ex-theist Communities
Other Similar Communities
!religiouscringe@midwest.social
founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
Depending which religion you worship your heaven might already be at max occupancy.
Oh, are there religions who believe their afterlife is already full and is now closed? That’s pretty grim.
Jehovah's Witnesses believe heaven has a capacity of 144,000 and everyone else will be resurrected in a body of flesh.
Calling dibs on a hot, sexy body of flesh.
Jehovah's Witness claim only 144,000 total can go to heaven. For a group that claims 8ish million members, that's a small percentage of even themselves that can make it.
Damn. Everyone else to hell?
Nah. One of the very few things to the JW's credit, they don't believe in Hell. The worthy will be resurrected on an earth-turned-paradise, where they live as subjects of the 144,000, while the rest simply cease to exist.
Only the dogs go to heaven.
Good news if you're short! Do whatever tf you want, your fate is sealed anyway.
If heaven is full of Christians I'm choosing hell
As I always said, considering the requirements, heaven must be the most boring place to end up.
Good Omens had it right, they have all the musicians.
I half remember a Harlan Ellison story where God decided that only man can judge man and put the religious leaders in power to get to determine who goes to heaven. So all the Screaming Mullahs and Pat Robertson types are running things. Harlan Ellison was an angry person.
"Short people and people who eat too much pork will also not go to heaven." reminded me of this (SFW actually) Oglaf.
And I am the bad guy for yelling at someone for telling my daughters about hell. Yes, me the father. I am a bad person for telling someone to stop lying to my kids about a fake place of pain.
load more comments
(4 replies)
Tall people? Believe it or not, hell
Average height? Straight to hell.
Tapping doesn't do it for me
Thought I got it working, oh well its just the guy from parks and rec who says "straight to jail"
So, like, if I qualify for all, do I get a bonus extra fun hell?
The full list.
If you're going anyway you don't want to miss out on any of the fun.
load more comments
(1 replies)
load more comments
(1 replies)
So says the church of Google.
🙏
"You must be this tall to enter heaven." Written on a wood cutout of St Peter holding his hand out just so high.
i got a scar tattooed over in 2021 and have several more scars i'd like to do the same with, i'm currently sitting here drinking and being under 6', and also i don't believe in heaven so i'm super fucked. who's with me
Oh well, at least I get to hang with the cool crowd.
Funny how we can’t go to heaven for all these “sins” and yet the Bible stars that Jesus died for all out sins before they happen.
Once again the Bible is proven as a joke. I hate how they believe the fairy tales in the book, but they won’t believe what is right in front of there eyes. Friggin bigots.
load more comments
(3 replies)
Did the universe get a firmware update, so that heaven lives up to modern standards?
At this point, it sounds like heaven will only be full of boring prudes. Hell is where the party is at.
Death metal and rains of blood I can get behind. Checkers and prayer, not so much.
Tall untattooed vegetarian teetotalers won't go to heaven either.
Not sure what's more stupid
Googling this
Or
Believing it
Where’s the short cut-off?
I've been seeing a lot of google search results snaps lately. Most if not all must be jokes, right? This one at least.. Inb4 I'm not using google to check for myself...
load more comments
(1 replies)
How much is too much?
Ohh shit. They got me with drinking. I should have started using drugs when I had the chance.
God: "we don't need any manlets in heaven! Get your short ass out of here!"
Randy Newman is fucked
The list of people that can reach Heaven is very short, probably on purpose.
Lmao
view more: next ›