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[-] scarabic@lemmy.world 68 points 1 year ago

It’s not wrong. No one will go to Heaven.

[-] umad_cause_ibad@lemm.ee 16 points 1 year ago

Depending which religion you worship your heaven might already be at max occupancy.

[-] scarabic@lemmy.world 4 points 1 year ago

Oh, are there religions who believe their afterlife is already full and is now closed? That’s pretty grim.

[-] Tavarin@lemmy.ca 6 points 1 year ago

Jehovah's Witnesses believe heaven has a capacity of 144,000 and everyone else will be resurrected in a body of flesh.

[-] SuddenDownpour@lemmy.world 6 points 1 year ago

Calling dibs on a hot, sexy body of flesh.

[-] negativenull@lemm.ee 2 points 1 year ago

Jehovah's Witness claim only 144,000 total can go to heaven. For a group that claims 8ish million members, that's a small percentage of even themselves that can make it.

[-] scarabic@lemmy.world 3 points 1 year ago

Damn. Everyone else to hell?

[-] HandwovenConsensus@lemm.ee 3 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

Nah. One of the very few things to the JW's credit, they don't believe in Hell. The worthy will be resurrected on an earth-turned-paradise, where they live as subjects of the 144,000, while the rest simply cease to exist.

[-] joyjoy@lemm.ee 3 points 1 year ago

Only the dogs go to heaven.

[-] Wogi@lemmy.world 28 points 1 year ago

Good news if you're short! Do whatever tf you want, your fate is sealed anyway.

[-] Blackout@kbin.social 24 points 1 year ago

If heaven is full of Christians I'm choosing hell

[-] SpeakinTelnet@sh.itjust.works 7 points 1 year ago

As I always said, considering the requirements, heaven must be the most boring place to end up.

[-] afraid_of_zombies@lemmy.world 1 points 1 year ago

Good Omens had it right, they have all the musicians.

[-] afraid_of_zombies@lemmy.world 1 points 1 year ago

I half remember a Harlan Ellison story where God decided that only man can judge man and put the religious leaders in power to get to determine who goes to heaven. So all the Screaming Mullahs and Pat Robertson types are running things. Harlan Ellison was an angry person.

[-] JohnEdwa@kbin.social 15 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

"Short people and people who eat too much pork will also not go to heaven." reminded me of this (SFW actually) Oglaf.

[-] afraid_of_zombies@lemmy.world 12 points 1 year ago

And I am the bad guy for yelling at someone for telling my daughters about hell. Yes, me the father. I am a bad person for telling someone to stop lying to my kids about a fake place of pain.

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[-] burgersc12@sh.itjust.works 11 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

Tall people? Believe it or not, hell

parks and rec sister city meme

[-] Seraph@kbin.social 6 points 1 year ago

Average height? Straight to hell.

[-] JackGreenEarth@lemm.ee 3 points 1 year ago
[-] runblack@reddthat.com 3 points 1 year ago

Tapping doesn't do it for me

[-] burgersc12@sh.itjust.works 3 points 1 year ago

Thought I got it working, oh well its just the guy from parks and rec who says "straight to jail"

[-] Pandantic@midwest.social 9 points 1 year ago

So, like, if I qualify for all, do I get a bonus extra fun hell?

[-] I_Fart_Glitter@lemmy.world 5 points 1 year ago
[-] Pandantic@midwest.social 4 points 1 year ago
[-] I_Fart_Glitter@lemmy.world 2 points 1 year ago

If you're going anyway you don't want to miss out on any of the fun.

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[-] reddig33@lemmy.world 7 points 1 year ago

So says the church of Google.

[-] linuxgator@lemmy.ml 7 points 1 year ago

"You must be this tall to enter heaven." Written on a wood cutout of St Peter holding his hand out just so high.

[-] teuast@lemmy.ca 6 points 1 year ago

i got a scar tattooed over in 2021 and have several more scars i'd like to do the same with, i'm currently sitting here drinking and being under 6', and also i don't believe in heaven so i'm super fucked. who's with me

[-] thepixelfox@kbin.social 6 points 1 year ago

Oh well, at least I get to hang with the cool crowd.

[-] Efwis@lemmy.zip 6 points 1 year ago

Funny how we can’t go to heaven for all these “sins” and yet the Bible stars that Jesus died for all out sins before they happen.

Once again the Bible is proven as a joke. I hate how they believe the fairy tales in the book, but they won’t believe what is right in front of there eyes. Friggin bigots.

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[-] MonkderZweite@feddit.ch 5 points 1 year ago

Did the universe get a firmware update, so that heaven lives up to modern standards?

[-] Furbag@lemmy.world 5 points 1 year ago

At this point, it sounds like heaven will only be full of boring prudes. Hell is where the party is at.

[-] Etterra@lemmy.world 4 points 1 year ago

Death metal and rains of blood I can get behind. Checkers and prayer, not so much.

[-] pudcollar@lemmy.ml 5 points 1 year ago

Tall untattooed vegetarian teetotalers won't go to heaven either.

[-] FormerlyChucks@lemmy.world 4 points 1 year ago

Not sure what's more stupid

Googling this

Or

Believing it

[-] ebits21@lemmy.ca 3 points 1 year ago

Where’s the short cut-off?

[-] middlemanSI@lemm.ee 2 points 1 year ago

I've been seeing a lot of google search results snaps lately. Most if not all must be jokes, right? This one at least.. Inb4 I'm not using google to check for myself...

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[-] KIM_JONG_JUICEBOX@lemmy.ml 2 points 1 year ago

How much is too much?

[-] BurnedDonutHole@lemmy.ml 2 points 1 year ago

Ohh shit. They got me with drinking. I should have started using drugs when I had the chance.

[-] DigitalTraveler42@lemmy.world 2 points 1 year ago

God: "we don't need any manlets in heaven! Get your short ass out of here!"

[-] Son_of_dad@lemmy.world 2 points 1 year ago

Randy Newman is fucked

[-] supercriticalcheese@feddit.it 2 points 1 year ago

The list of people that can reach Heaven is very short, probably on purpose.

[-] 99nights@lemmy.world 1 points 1 year ago
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this post was submitted on 24 Aug 2023
286 points (93.1% liked)

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