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question for fellow bi/pan people (lemmy.blahaj.zone)

submitted 5 months ago by chumbalumber@lemmy.blahaj.zone to c/lgbtq_plus@lemmy.blahaj.zone

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How do you distinguish between romantic attraction and strong friendship? Something I struggle with and when romantic attachment is suggested to me I don't know whether/how to say yes/no.

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[–] zea_64@lemmy.blahaj.zone 11 points 5 months ago

I've reframed it as a spectrum rather than a binary so I don't have to think about it.

[–] WeLoveCastingSpellz@lemmy.dbzer0.com 9 points 5 months ago

I can't 👍👍👍👍 (this is a call for help)

[–] good_girl@lemmy.blahaj.zone 8 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago) (1 children)

If you figure it out, let me know. I'm a golden retriever girlfriend who falls in love way too quick with anyone and everyone.

Joking aside, it's the feeling of camaraderie vs desire for intimacy for me, i think.

[–] chumbalumber@lemmy.blahaj.zone 5 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago)

Me too (except for the girlfriend part, though I'm not entirely sure on that front)

But don't forget the terrifying fear of intimacy and letting romance ruin a good friendship

[–] Kolanaki@yiffit.net 6 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago) (1 children)

IDK myself... I'm pretty sure I'm just aromantic or perhaps just another symptom of having BPD (I either hate you or love you; there's no in-between).

I would have sex with anyone. I can be friends with almost anyone. And I can sure as hell have both someone who has sex with me that's a friend. What more is there? Dumb gestures instead of just communicating your feelings verbally?

I've searched for an explanation of "romantic attraction" that I can actually understand and still don't know what the hell it really means. So either I don't experience it, or it's just not easy to explain. Or I am the dumb. 🤷🏻‍♂️

[–] Septimaeus@infosec.pub 4 points 5 months ago

I think the romantic element is linked to desire for intimacy of some kind or other, and is there to some degree in every friendship, but when that becomes a “romantic attraction” usually varies and honestly is defined in hindsight more often than not.

So, not knowing is normal. If someone is pressing you to decide, they can definitely wait.