I've been finding myself craving cathinone stims the past few days.

Unsolicited advice but if someone is really struggling with this particular issue, bupropion would be something worth considering.

It's an antidepressant and it can work quite well for addressing the neurochemical aspect of addiction, but it also happens to be a cathinone derivative itself so aside from how it helps with substance use disorders it's also just a way of legally microdosing a government-approved, pharmaceutical grade Khat substitute.

Bupropion often comes with significant side effects so it's no silver bullet but I think would hit the mark for some people.

wondering if decades of untreated depression can directly cause cptsd

Finally on the road to getting therapy. I did go to a psychologist, it just turns out my country does not have therapy in hospitals, just specific companies that hire psychologists to offer therapy. At least going to the psych at the hospital put me on track for a legal gender change.

I am actually using this summer well, making sure to read at least a little every day and working out consistently. Going to buy men's clothing when money isn't so tight(next month).

Good to hear you're getting on alright.

Late last week, while sitting on the toilet the light in the bathroom went out. Lights in the the other bathroom were also out. Anything plugged into the electrical outlets also did not work... with one exception, a very tiny and very dim LED night light. Nothing else in the house is affected, other rooms on the same circuit were not affected. Biggest bummer was that the air conditioner for the bedroom was now not working and it was going to be at least 100 degrees F for the next few days.

Crawl around in the attic, slowly boiling my brain. Two different sections of electrical wire, on two different circuits, had a total of 18 inches of insulation stripped from the neutral and ground wires. One section had the ground wire completely chewed through.

Kinda got all panicky about needing to hire an electrician.

We said, "fuck it", and did a lightening run to Lowes and spent about 100 bucks on stuff to splice in a new section of wire to replace the stripped out section.

Two days later and only one accident of cutting a live wire later (didn't die, go me) everything is good to go and we've got A/C in the bedroom again.

Guess lots of folks are taking vacation days and I've got quite a few opportunities to get some extra hours of pay over the last few weeks.

Two good things so far... now I'm just waiting for the bad thing to balance everything out.

I came out to my brother and it went moderately poorly and tears were had but then I got some "fuck the closet" energy and got off my ass and started looking for a job and I got a promising lead but it's only part time so I'll have to see if I can make it work, my burst of energy is kinda fading, I called my dad (who I'm not out to) to tell him about the possible job but he wasn't really supportive because my parents don't respect a single one of my decisions and somehow still have expectations of me that are ridiculously out of touch with both me and the economy and anyway this week has been a ride and I didn't sleep last night and I think I'm about to crash.

Doing well overall. Work is a constant state of controlled, predictable chaos so that's the usual. Been blasting through Elden Ring, onto Caelid. My partner is feeling much better now so that's also fantastic.