this post was submitted on 28 Aug 2023
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No Stupid Questions

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Let's say there's someone I want to call Mr/Ms/Mrs [Name], but I don't know their gender, is there a title I can use that doesn't assume their gender?

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[–] ivanafterall@kbin.social 153 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (2 children)

"Hey cunt" works for anybody. But your mileage may vary depending on your location.

[–] paper_clip@kbin.social 42 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Should that not be properly, "Oi, cunt!" ?

[–] ivanafterall@kbin.social 16 points 1 year ago

Depends on what you're going for, I guess. I'm just an American who doesn't like most people.

[–] CetaceanNeeded@lemmy.world 22 points 1 year ago (2 children)
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[–] ItsTom87@kbin.social 131 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] BackOnMyBS@lemmy.world 24 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)
[–] meadsteve@reddthat.com 79 points 1 year ago (6 children)

Slightly off topic but I really like the approach where the honorific is just dropped entirely. So just [Name]. No Mr/Ms/Mrs. It mostly doesn't serve any purpose anyway.

[–] mundane@feddit.nu 35 points 1 year ago (2 children)

That's what we did in Sweden in the 60s. It feels so archaic whenever I have to enter an honorific on documents (i.e when booking hotels and flights) from other countries.

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[–] cobysev@lemmy.world 18 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I spent the last 20 years in the US military, most of it being referred to as "Sergeant [cobysev]." The past year since I've been retired, I've been trying to get used to being called "Mr. [cobysev]." It's really weird, especially since I joined the military at 18, so no one called me Mr. previously.

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[–] itinerantme@lemmy.wtf 61 points 1 year ago (5 children)

I have started just using M. Like, "Dear M. Lastname". I saw it being done in French and just adopted it for English too. No one's complained yet. (Have also seen Mx. but figure that could be confusing.)

[–] charles@lemmy.ca 68 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Just fyi, M. in French is only equivalent to Mr, it's short for Monsieur. Mme (short for Madame) is equivalent to Mrs, and Mlle (short for Mademoiselle) is equivalent to Miss/Ms.

So using M. for everyone is equivalent to saying Mr. for everyone.

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[–] LordOfTheChia@lemmy.world 43 points 1 year ago (1 children)

"Dear M. M. Night Shamalyan"

[–] tarjeezy@lemmy.ca 29 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] hansl@lemmy.ml 20 points 1 year ago (1 children)
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[–] bitcrafter@lemmy.sdf.org 16 points 1 year ago (1 children)

In the sci-fi book Hyperion (which takes place hundreds of years in the future) they use this convention throughout and it works really well, so I've also wished that it were widely adopted in our society. (Except for androids, where the title is A. rather than M.)

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[–] Adulated_Aspersion@lemmy.world 58 points 1 year ago (2 children)

I vote that we change it to Mmm.

That will make all honorific communications sultry and interesting.

Mmm Adulated, We appreciate your interest in our organization, but we regret to inform you that we will not be able to hire you for the role. Please continue to.....

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[–] Thann@lemmy.ml 45 points 1 year ago
[–] poppy@lemm.ee 40 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Too bad we can’t adopt the Japanese “-san” honorific, as it is gender neutral!

[–] BackOnMyBS@lemmy.world 13 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] emptyother@programming.dev 31 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I don't think you can do that without being called a weeb (at least on the western part of the internet).

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[–] frankPodmore@slrpnk.net 38 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Not a contemporary one, but during the French Revolution, they used 'Citizen' for everyone.

[–] can@sh.itjust.works 33 points 1 year ago
[–] sivanataraja@lemmy.world 28 points 1 year ago (3 children)

Which, in French, is "citoyen" (masculine) or "citoyenne" (feminine). Not a neutral gendered word.

[–] frankPodmore@slrpnk.net 13 points 1 year ago

But it is gender neutral in English, the language OP was asking about.

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[–] wildbus8979@sh.itjust.works 36 points 1 year ago (1 children)
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[–] Silverseren@kbin.social 35 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Mx. seems the most commonly used for gender neutral. It's used both by non-binary people and in cases where you purposefully don't want to put a gender as a prefix.

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[–] over_clox@lemmy.world 34 points 1 year ago (1 children)
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[–] ougi@lemmy.world 33 points 1 year ago (1 children)
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[–] Maddie@sh.itjust.works 32 points 1 year ago (1 children)
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[–] paddirn@lemmy.world 32 points 1 year ago
[–] grysbok@lemmy.sdf.org 31 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (9 children)

Seconding the honorific "Mx". From what I've seen, it's decently well-adopted in the non-binary community. I've not seen it much used outside of that community--it seems to be used mostly when someone 'needs' an honorific but doesn't fit into the 1950s list. I've heard it pronounced "Mix" and "Mux". I tend to go with "Mix".

IRL, I've used "Hey, you" and "Yo!" when hollering at folks I don't know (example, "Yo! You dropped something!")

Sidenote: As a nonbinary person, I prefer not being given an honorific over being given the wrong one.

Minirant not directed at OP: And omg, if you need to go with a feminine honorific and you don't know whether the person is married, go with Ms, not Mrs. or Miss. The connotations of the wrong one are just creepy.
Not married and called Mrs="Hey, you're too old to be unmarried. Please feel judged about your relationship status"
Married and called Miss="Hey, you're too young to be married. Please feel like I don't respect you as an adult."
In all cases Ms="I don't know and/or care about your marital status and I'm trying to be polite"

[–] DharmaCurious@startrek.website 18 points 1 year ago (6 children)

Do you have any suggestions on sir/ma'am? I'm from the south, and genuinely don't know how to stop saying sir/ma'am. I always try to go with whatever the person is presenting, and I have tried not to say it at all. But that southernism is deeply ingrained. Like at a drive through or something, where you only have a voice to go off of it's especially bad. I do try to avoid it, but I wish there were a gender neutral version, because language just feels rude without it to someone who grew up with that instilled in them. All adult people must be addressed as ma'am or sir, regardless of age in any kind of setting that isn't close friends. If I forego it, I feel rude as fuck, and most of the time whoever you're talking to also acts offended. But the last thing I want to do is misgender someone, especially with words like sir/ma'am, that are such... Strict terms. Halp?

[–] grysbok@lemmy.sdf.org 13 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (4 children)

I'm wicked sorry, I don't have a good answer. You could try Mx and see how it feels. I've dropped sir/ma'am for folks that I know, or that appear my age or younger. I still use it for older folks I don't know out in the wild.

I, personally, never take offense at being misgendered in a Southern accent if I'm called "ma'am". I grew up in the South and to me it just feels like someone's trying their best to be polite and I take it as intended. Sometimes I also just misparse it as "man", which feels a bit informal, but whatevs. Miss still feels creepy, but I get that less now that I've hit 30.

If you're working at a drive through where there's a customer/service worker dynamic, I'd 1. go with ma'am or sir 2. accept it if someone corrects you, and 3. recognize you're more likely to be yelled at by someone for using a 'new-fangled honorific' than for misgendering someone.

Edit: Oh! I have replaced "Thank you sir/ma'am" with "Thank you, kindly" and that seems to work for me.

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[–] Firefly7@lemmy.blahaj.zone 30 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (2 children)

Mx is common-ish among nonbinary people. Here’s a relevant poll regarding people’s usages of it: https://www.gendercensus.com/results/2023-mx/

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[–] Laticauda@lemmy.ca 29 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (3 children)

Lord [name], my [name], my dear [name], the one they call [name], oh great and powerful [name].

Jokes aside, one I've heard of that I liked was "misc" like miscellaneous lol. That one works a bit better in writing that verbal though.

Some other popular ones include Mx, M, Ind/Div, N/A, Mt, Nb, and many others.

For my own personal suggestion, I kinda like the idea of using "The" as a gender neutral title. Like instead of Mr or Ms Smith, it's The Smith. Has a nice ring to it lol

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[–] HardlightCereal@lemmy.world 28 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Mx (pronounced "mix") is getting more common

Also, Dr

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[–] bokster@lemmy.sdf.org 26 points 1 year ago (1 children)

In all seriousness, I think I've seen 'Mx' used in this context.

Usually though, you'd go with a generic greeting such as 'Dear Sir or Madam' or 'To whom it may concern'.

[–] I_Fart_Glitter@lemmy.world 15 points 1 year ago (2 children)

I'm still trying to figure out how you pronounce that. Mix? Mks? Mex? M'ex?

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[–] Dr_Cog@mander.xyz 26 points 1 year ago (4 children)

My wife and I are both Dr. X

[–] TheWoozy@lemmy.world 35 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

Liar!! You are are not "Dr. X". You are "Dr. Cog"

[–] Dr_Cog@mander.xyz 31 points 1 year ago

Not since Elon Musk bought me for 44 billion dollars

[–] httpjames@sh.itjust.works 17 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] girl@lemm.ee 19 points 1 year ago

Dr. The Site Formerly Known as Twitter

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[–] Deestan@lemmy.world 23 points 1 year ago
[–] Lux@lemmy.blahaj.zone 20 points 1 year ago

I vote stop using honorifics entirely

[–] regalia@literature.cafe 19 points 1 year ago (1 children)
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[–] MedicPigBabySaver@lemm.ee 19 points 1 year ago (1 children)
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[–] Dagwood222@lemm.ee 14 points 1 year ago

'Citizen...'

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