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I Suck at Building conversations (lemmygrad.ml)

submitted 4 months ago by Ozriel@lemmygrad.ml to c/comradeship@lemmygrad.ml

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Just as the Title says, i really suck at buuilding conversation, i've had a crush on this girl for 2 years now and i was talking with her (5 minutes ago, she's also a communist and is awesome) and i literally ran away after 5 minutes because i've felt like i've had nothing better to say. Fuck my life, did make her agree to watch Doctor Who and One Piece together though ( Not a date, just really want to be friends with her and not ruin this friendship at all). Anyway, what am i supposed to do to get better at holding conversations though ??

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[–] ratboy@hexbear.net 11 points 4 months ago (1 children)

I mean, if she ends up hanging out to watch shows with you it sounds like you did a great job! Doesn't take away the internal anxiety of social interaction, though, I feel you as I struggle with that myself. I think it can be helpful to ask questions about the other person, people love talking about themselves lol. Ask about what they've been reading/watching, how was their weekend, ask exploratory follow up questions, etc. If she's a communist, maybe she is super passionate about it and that can be a conversation starter. I really like to talk politics and social justice with people, but that's not always "appropriate", but if you find someone who is down you can probably talk for hours about it.

Sorry if this is obvious stuff, I'm neurodivergent and some of these things don't come naturally to me

[–] Ozriel@lemmygrad.ml 7 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Sorry if this is obvious stuff, I’m neurodivergent and some of these things don’t come naturally to me

Nah, thanks for the advice, i am not neurodivergent (i dont know tbh) but idk when but sometime after or during covid ive lost all of my social skills and it's been hard since and also thanks for being kind

[–] ratboy@hexbear.net 4 points 4 months ago

Ah, yeah I relate to that a lot, I used to go out a lot and just deal with the anxiety but now I barely go out at all lol. The first couple of years really screwed a lot of us up, I think. The more you chat with her the easier it'll be, you got this!

[–] Palacegalleryratio@hexbear.net 9 points 4 months ago

In my experience: Ask questions and remember the answers. Ultimately a lot of people like to talk about themselves and their interests. What hobbies are you into? Sewing. What type of things do you sew? Mostly clothes. Got any current projects ‘under the needle’? Yeah I’m making a babygro for my cousin who is pregnant. Etc

Then the key part is: next time you speak remember what they said and ask relevant follow up questions. How’s that babygro coming along? How’s your cousin doing? how far along is she now? It shows you’re interested and care, it’s how you build rapport with people.

[–] rostselmasch@lemmygrad.ml 2 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Do you have problems at building up conversations with every person or probable friends?

[–] Ozriel@lemmygrad.ml 1 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Probable friends I think, it's not really a problem with friends, I am able to hold conversations for long. Idk dude, I've never felt this low about my social skills before, I am great in group settings but not in 1v1s

[–] rostselmasch@lemmygrad.ml 1 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Did encountered this behaviour before? Or is it the first time?

[–] Ozriel@lemmygrad.ml 1 points 4 months ago (1 children)

Nah, not the first time but definitely was never this awkward

[–] rostselmasch@lemmygrad.ml 3 points 4 months ago (1 children)

And it wasn't that awkward before even with this person? You said, that you want to become friends. Could it be, that there is possibly a slight contradiction regarding what you want and what you feel?

But however it is, why makes it you think about it that much? You agreed to watch a TV series and an anime together. Sounds like everything went well, don't you think?

[–] Ozriel@lemmygrad.ml 1 points 4 months ago (1 children)

I guess so, and yes, there's some contradiction but it's almost impossible to find other left leaning people here let alone communists, i don't want to ruin that friendship

[–] rostselmasch@lemmygrad.ml 3 points 4 months ago

Maybe don't think that much about it. Just enjoy the time with your comrade. Friendship can develop between comrades but also can relationships. Watching films together can develop in each of those things. But don't force yourself into a certain thinking. Don't think "only friendship, nothing else", this makes you nervous and also act more awkward.

Just look forward to watch great series, movies and animes. And I also can recommendate two films: Sibirade and How the steel was tempered. The later one is great to watch together, a great soviet movie and will also maybe your problem - In won't spoiler. And it is also a great way to have a great talk about the Russian revolution.