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When did you feel comfy changing pronouns? (lemmy.blahaj.zone)
submitted 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago) by Blahaj_Blast@lemmy.blahaj.zone to c/femcelmemes@lemmy.blahaj.zone
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I've figured out Iwas trans around a year ago. I've more accepted it 6-8 months ago, and fully embraced the identity a few months ago.

I feel like I'm able to see myself as a woman more often(presenting or not; probably the longer hair) but I find it hard to consciously switch names and pronouns since I feel like I still very much present masc¿and don't look so femme, even if I want to.

It's like, it feels somewhat in-genuine, you know? Deep, deep down, I want to be her, but also I don't want the confrontation of, "you don't look like a 'her'."

I just need some advice/encouragement. My therapist has asked multiple times if they should switch name/pronouns, but it's so difficult face-to-face and not socially out.

Help plz?

Edit: I'm not sure how this ended up in the meme community 😅 I posted it late at night, but I thought I got /c/mtf instead

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[-] Rei@lemmy.blahaj.zone 24 points 3 months ago

I didn't really get comfortable with it before changing. I only got used to it a while after changing.

Before and after, there were feelings of guilt, shame, and fear. And the imposter syndrome on top of that.

I would like to encourage you to try with your therapist and if you're privileged enough to have them, trusted friends. Those are helpful spaces to make you more comfortable.

[-] Blahaj_Blast@lemmy.blahaj.zone 12 points 3 months ago

Imposter syndrome! Yes! That's what I'm afraid of. I may have to take my therapist up on that offer. I haven't because I just don't feel fem enough, but I guess, really, lots of people do about various things.

[-] ThelittleDoe@lemmy.blahaj.zone 6 points 3 months ago

Such a mood. We all feel it from time to time. It's important to remember that your thoughts don't define who you are. I can't count how many times I got hung up on an intrusive thought that spiralled into just straight up attacking and being transphobic to myself. Respecting yourself is tough, but it's possible. Still learning this myself, tbh. Heh. But knowing who you are can take time. Understanding ourselves doesn't happen overnight. ^^

Just remember that it's important to feel comfortable with ones self. We're all gonna experiment here and there with things until we feel most comfortable. We're here for each other, and if you feel like you aren't fem enough than keep on femmin' until it's no longer an argument! Can't argue with straight up facts, gurl. -w- hehe~

I hope you get everything you want and more. 🫂❤️

[-] RiikkaTheIcePrincess@pawb.social 8 points 3 months ago

I've hatched twice now and it's like this for me too: it's been quite important for me to try things out and feel how they feel rather than expecting to figure out my life and self "hands-off" and then implement that once done. Sometimes parts of a presentation or of reactions to it aren't clear until they're felt and one may not necessarily know whether those parts will be pleasant or problems until then. That is, maybe you really don't know how it'll feel until you just jump in and try, give yourself some time to break up some things holding you back, and process the whole reality of it all at once.

Big note: it's okay to be wrong. A lot of people act like it isn't, like everyone's supposed to full-on know without ever thinking about it or having to learn anything, but they're dead wrong and they're probably lying to themselves just to keep from having to consider that maybe identity isn't as simple and easy as they want it to be, or want to pretend that it is.

[-] Blahaj_Blast@lemmy.blahaj.zone 3 points 3 months ago

That all makes perfect sense when it's spelled out 😅 I think I am moving in a similar direction about "just see how it feel" I get so stuck in the head space where I have to figure out all I can before I make a move, and my therapist has been trying to get me out of that for a while, because it doesn't work like that 😂

[-] riwo@lemmy.blahaj.zone 17 points 3 months ago

getting used to name and pronoun changes always takes time.

i suggest asking people who u are comfortable with to use them for you, and you will het used to them in no time (online spaces can also help a lot)

[-] fionnafire@lemmy.blahaj.zone 11 points 3 months ago

It was hard asking my mom to call me by a different name but she was supportive and that helped a lot. If mirrors don't make you want to implode then you could practice calling yourself the name you want and asking whoever you imagine to respect that and whatever pronouns you choose

[-] zea_64@lemmy.blahaj.zone 7 points 3 months ago

It took me like 6 months to tell my family new pronouns, and another few months to stand up and enforce it. I felt the same sort of not deserving of it until a few months on HRT (might be coincidence, as I'm also just overall happier and more confident).

[-] Twinkletoes@lemm.ee 5 points 3 months ago

Just be yourself

[-] Blahaj_Blast@lemmy.blahaj.zone 8 points 3 months ago

I'm still trying to figure out who myself is

[-] Twinkletoes@lemm.ee 2 points 3 months ago

I’m a human being before I am a race, ethnicity, or gender. My sexuality doesn’t define me. I am more than my appearance. We are multifaceted beings and your pronouns are just one aspect of who you are. They don’t define you.

[-] dandelion@lemmy.blahaj.zone 2 points 3 months ago

Never got comfy, even now it varies how the pronouns strike me. Sometimes it makes me feel so happy, other times it draws attention to gender in a moment when I wasn't expecting and that can feel like a cold bucket being thrown on me.

this post was submitted on 18 Jul 2024
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