I don't care how it tastes, I'm not drinking anything that has this much cringe on the label.
this post was submitted on 05 Sep 2023
186 points (93.1% liked)
Funny
6795 readers
1228 users here now
General rules:
- Be kind.
- All posts must make an attempt to be funny.
- Obey the general sh.itjust.works instance rules.
- No politics or political figures. There are plenty of other politics communities to choose from.
- Don't post anything grotesque or potentially illegal. Examples include pornography, gore, animal cruelty, inappropriate jokes involving kids, etc.
Exceptions may be made at the discretion of the mods.
founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
Light roasts have more caffeine than dark roasts. Because they don't roast out all the caffeine.
So this coffee is actually "extra weak".
This isn't true. Unless you're roasting until it literally takes like only charcoal, like noticably darker than a 2nd wave French roast, caffeine doesn't really roast out. Caffeine also seems to be pretty significantly more soluble in darker roasts so between two cups brewed normally with the same mass of coffee, there will be more caffeine in the darker cup. They will have almost the same amount of caffeine if you do a cold brew process.
I kind of love being wrong and updating what I know. I had to find some sources.
https://www.kickinghorsecoffee.com/which-roast-has-more-caffeine
https://www.healthline.com/nutrition/light-vs-dark-roast-coffee
dark roasts tend to be slightly lower in caffeine after the roasting process.
That said, recent and older studies alike suggest that the difference is negligible.
This one references actual scientific studies.
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/25212328/
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/22032554/
But light coffee doesn't make me feel like a badass, and clashes with my specifically targeted shirt.
Darker roasts do burn off caffeine but it also makes the bean more soluble. Testing has concluded that in the end lighter and darker roast cups end up with generally the same caffeine concentration.
This is probably robusta coffee, which has 2x the caffeine compared to arabica.
Try this.
Put your shower as hot as you can stand it for as long as you can stand it, then as cold as you can take it for as long as you take it.
You will be alert.
I feel like a lot of society would benefit from going to bed earlier.
Funny thing. There's another post where someone asked about young people staying away from the nightlife and partying.
I look at bar/restaurant prices today and am amazed anyone leaves the house.
Me going to bed earlier: Nope... Might be better idk but it's not that great of a solution as one would expect.
I want this, this is exactly what my coffee should do
I'm looking for a coffee blend that has a smooth aromatic allure with notes of olympic sprinter from Kenya.
You think this label is funny right? Interesting
I have 30 something's at my work with that kind of Humor. Millennials are not as funny as they think.
It can be found at adamgoodcoffee.square.site/, for those interested
Have you tried it yet? I'm interested
No, I have a favorite brand of coffee that I buy, so I won't be trying this anytime soon. I had to look it up though, because I had a hard time believing it was a real thing.
Not yet.
This is such a fascinating real conversation between sock puppet accounts trying to push the coffee that this ad post is all about.
[Cheerful music starts. Camera zooms in on a fake-looking living room set. Two actors, JACKIE and DAVE, are seated on a sofa, laughing. They turn toward the camera, holding a cup of coffee.]
JACKIE (excitedly): Oh, Dave! This coffee tastes sooo amazing. What is it?
DAVE (with a wide grin): Well, Jackie, it's not just any coffee! It’s... [holds the coffee jar dramatically up to the camera] WAKE-THE-FUCK-UP STRONG!
JACKIE (in mock disbelief): WAKE-THE-FUCK-UP STRONG, Dave? Really?
DAVE: That's right, Jackie! The strongest and fastest instant coffee on the market!
[Cut to close-up of JACKIE taking a sip of her coffee. Her eyes widen in amazement.]
JACKIE: Mmm, Dave, it's so bold and robust. I've never tasted instant coffee this good before.
DAVE (pointing to the jar): And the best part, Jackie, is that it’s ready in seconds!
[Quick montage of DAVE spooning coffee into a cup, pouring water, and stirring.]
JACKIE: Wow, Dave, that was so fast!
DAVE (nodding): Yes, Jackie! No more waiting around for your morning coffee. With WAKE-THE-FUCK-UP STRONG, you get the kick you need instantly!
[Camera pans to a group of bad actors in the background pretending to have a party. They're all holding WAKE-THE-FUCK-UP STRONG jars and smiling awkwardly.]
PARTY GUEST #1: Hey, Jackie and Dave, thanks for introducing us to WAKE-THE-FUCK-UP STRONG!
PARTY GUEST #2: Yes, Jackie! Now my mornings are faster and more energetic, thanks to Dave and you!
JACKIE (winking at the camera): No need to thank us! Just enjoy the robust flavor and instant energy of WAKE-THE-FUCK-UP STRONG!
DAVE: And, Jackie, did you know that for a limited time, our viewers can get not one, but TWO jars of WAKE-THE-FUCK-UP STRONG for the price of one?
JACKIE (gasping): Two for the price of one, Dave? That's unbelievable!
DAVE (pointing at the camera): That's right, folks! Call now, and double your energy for half the price!
[Phone number flashes on the screen with images of the coffee jar.]
JACKIE: Hurry, Dave says it's for a limited time only!
DAVE: So true, Jackie! Don't miss out!
JACKIE & DAVE (together, holding the jar high and smiling too much): WAKE-THE-FUCK-UP STRONG – For the strong and speedy you!
[Cheerful music fades. The screen goes black with the phone number and the offer details.]
Narrator (voiceover): Call now. Offer valid while supplies last. Terms and conditions apply.
Now I need to watch that ad. Thanks for putting the time to write that out.
You think people are really trying to use Lemmy to advertise?
Absolutely. You're commenting in an ad post right now.