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[-] dragontamer@lemmy.world 113 points 2 weeks ago

I raise you Emperor Ferdinand I Armor, specifically it's Codpiece.

I'm just saying. Sexualized armor is very historical.

Doesn't make it and less ridiculous to try and be sexy in a situation where you need protection to prevent dying.

[-] dragontamer@lemmy.world 96 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

True. But it keeps happening.

Be it two thousand years ago or 500 years ago. Sexy armor proves that humans haven't really changed.


Kings and generals don't really find themselves alone on the front lines. The armor is nearly ceremonial, no one is supposed to take a shot at the king. Even if the king were expected to visit the front lines.

As such, kings, princes and other nobles never had practical armor. It's all armor-fashion and status symbols (including sexualization, when said sexualization was in fashion).

[-] PyroNeurosis@lemmy.blahaj.zone 12 points 1 week ago

Do we have modern sexualized plate carriers? I know we have the cat-ear helmet bit, but how far can we go?

[-] Enkrod@feddit.org 7 points 1 week ago

Dunno about personal armor but we have nekkid furry ladies on planes and tanks... humans keep being thirsty.

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[-] Infynis@midwest.social 10 points 1 week ago

Something about humans relates sex and danger. We like having them together

You might want to rephrase that. It would be very easy to misinterpret.

[-] Infynis@midwest.social 9 points 1 week ago

Ah, you mean danger cosplay. Yeah, ok. Even kinksters have safe words and things like safe, sane, and consensual.

[-] luciferofastora@lemmy.zip 4 points 1 week ago

Most mounted knights don't really need crotch protection. Their saddles had a kind of shields projecting up for that purpose. If they get dismounted in a melee, that might be a different situation, but even then, the codpiece will probably not be the weakest part of that armour.

[-] Kichae@lemmy.ca 2 points 1 week ago

I don't know, this is starting to sound like a separate discussion with separate issues, and as a result it feels like goalpost moving.

The issue with women's fantasy armour has long been that it exists for the Male Gaze, as a trope that is propagated by men for the purpose of titilizing men. It's objectifying the female form, and doing so in a way that does not include women in the discussion at all.

The second image, instead of being a continuation of that, just feels like fashion, and complaints about it land as "no one has ever cared about aesthetics in a suit of armour" which is a totally false take and indefensible platform.

[-] ahdok@ttrpg.network 64 points 1 week ago
[-] GraniteM@lemmy.world 9 points 1 week ago

I mean... some kink shaming if you're into necrophilia.

[-] ObsidianZed@lemmy.world 11 points 1 week ago

I get the usual necrophilia hate, but honestly, if they're undead and can consent, more power to you.

[-] ahdok@ttrpg.network 8 points 1 week ago

Konsi wouldn't shame you for that, but she might quietly take you aside and privately ask you to not do that. :)

[-] ByteOnBikes@slrpnk.net 39 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)
[-] DragonTypeWyvern@midwest.social 9 points 1 week ago

That's a reference I haven't seen in a long time.

Fire Emblem has a couple bangers too. And some less so.

[-] sbv@sh.itjust.works 37 points 2 weeks ago

Hear me out: a metal 1990s Lara Croft uniboob. Hits are no longer directed to the sternum.

If that isn't credible enough for you, make the uniboob bigger, redirecting force outward, away from the chest.

If that isn't credible enough for you, a massive uniboob containing a tiny gnome sorcerer able to slay at range. Basically a lil green skinned tiddy tank.

[-] dragontamer@lemmy.world 41 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

That's just called 1600s era half plate.

As halberds and other armor penetrating weapons became normal (and Guns), the focus of armorers was on deflection rather than outright stopping blows.

Also, iron became cheaper and thus mass produced. So in some sense armor got worse, but far more people were wearing armor. The small bits (gloves, legs, etc etc) couldn't be custom made per person anymore because of mass production templates. But armor was well on its way out by then anyway as guns were obviously the future.

[-] VelvetStorm@lemmy.world 2 points 1 week ago

Ok, so the issue with that is it will direct arrow and crossbow bolts upwards towards the neck and face, so you will need to add an angled gorget with a lip to redirect the bolts/arrows.

This was an actual armor design for a while, but it is not as pronounced as you would imagine.

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[-] Susaga@sh.itjust.works 35 points 2 weeks ago

Dragon Age quote from Iron Bull: Some high-ranking women wear ornamental crap with tits hammered into it. One good shot, and all that cleavage gets knocked right into the sternum. Real messy. Good on you for going practical. ...Leaves something to the imagination, too.

[-] GraniteM@lemmy.world 28 points 1 week ago

Brienne of Tarth

10 out of 10

[-] s12@sopuli.xyz 26 points 2 weeks ago

Left has thicker plot armour.

[-] Shivirani@ttrpg.network 18 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

If no boob shape, then boobs squished. Also I think outward curves are harder to bash in than flat portions, assuming equal thickness?

ETA: yes, I do have boobs. No, mine won't squish flat.

[-] Tar_alcaran@sh.itjust.works 75 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

If no boob shape, then boobs squished.

Hi, lady here who owns and wears armor sometimes. There are a few things wrong with this.

(Prefacing that only a very very small number of women historically wore armor)

You'll find that basically ALL medieval plate bulges out in the chest. That is specifically because dome shapes are stronger, but also for ease of movement. A flat plate will make it harder to bring your shoulder back (or you'll need to make a bigger arm hole).

You'll also find that most people who do stuff while in plate armor tend not to carry a lot of fat, and since boobs are mostly fat, women who wear armor "for a living", and are thus swinging pole arms quite a lot, tend not to be very busty.

Thirdly, the main difference between my armor and the armor the guys are wearing is not in the plate, but in the padding underneath. I have a gambeson and armor coat that is thicker above and above my breasts than right in front. There's basically a boob-slot in the padding, so that a hit to my chest gets absorbed by my body instead of my boobs.

[-] flicker@lemmy.world 28 points 1 week ago

I'm so glad you wrote all of that, and so much better than I could have. Men have no idea of the ways in which breasts need support, or how generally the better it looks, the less comfortable it is.

[-] PyroNeurosis@lemmy.blahaj.zone 4 points 1 week ago

That, and many of us have little idea of what all goes into a full plate setup.

[-] PugJesus@lemmy.world 12 points 1 week ago

Excellent write-up, I'd just like to say as an irrelevant aside

MALE BOOBPLATE MALE BOOBPLATE

[-] pawsplay@dice.camp 6 points 1 week ago

@Tar_alcaran @Shivirani The typical breastplate shape is what I call the "Robin's breast," a swollen dome shape that protects the vitals from strikes to the body center.

[-] Shivirani@ttrpg.network 2 points 1 week ago

So does that mean if my husband gets armor I could wear it too, I'd just need a different gambeson? My breasts protrude a couple of inches even in a sports bra.

Also, added chest muscle makes your boobs stick out more...

Is a breastplate/gambeson/armor coat etc something you can effectively buy online, or is it something you want to try on in-store before you buy? And where did you get yours from?

[-] Tar_alcaran@sh.itjust.works 6 points 1 week ago

Buying armor is like buying a suit, and all the answers are kind of similar.

You can get a cheap mass produced one, but it won't fit as well as a tailored one, and that won't be as good as a custom made one. You can wear someone else's (within reason), as long as they're mostly the same size, but it won't be great.

A gambeson or arming coat (typo before) is similar, off the rack is fine, but it'll fit much better if you have it custom made. And like bras, being a woman is expensive here. I bought a good one and modified it myself.

I got my armor custom made by a guy in Ukraine like 15 years ago, the whole thing was 6000 euros which was a huge bargain. But if you just want a breastplate for occasional use (larp, cosplay, etc) getting one online and accepting it's kinda awkward is very much an option. If you need it to actually stop swords (reenactment, HEMA) that's still an option, but you'll need to be much more selective.

[-] snooggums@midwest.social 51 points 2 weeks ago

Hits to full armor aren't about cutting through or breaking the armor, but trying to get as hard of a hit as possible. One central outward curve will deflect hits.

Two bulbous curves next to each other will deflect hits on the outside but focus hits on the inner curve into a shape that will ensure all of the power in the hit goes right to the chest. A great way to ensure the wind is knocked out of the wearer.

[-] mnemonicmonkeys@sh.itjust.works 11 points 1 week ago

Plus, the biggest concern regarding the deflection of blow by plate armor was lances. A lance blow is often described as having the momentum of both the rider and the horse behind it (not quite true, but certainly more than just the knight). That is a lot of force for a body to absorb

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[-] Arbiter@lemmy.world 29 points 2 weeks ago

Chest plates aren’t form fitting.

[-] 8bitMage@ttrpg.network 14 points 1 week ago

Oooo! Boobplate post. (Grabs popcorn)

[-] justme@lemmy.dbzer0.com 14 points 1 week ago

"vital Organs" of a demon???

[-] Jiggle_Physics@lemmy.world 7 points 1 week ago

I mean, how familiar are you with the biology of demons?

[-] gofsckyourself@lemmy.world 12 points 1 week ago

Both are good

[-] Sanctus@lemmy.world 12 points 1 week ago

But, boob sash.

[-] Justas@sh.itjust.works 8 points 2 weeks ago

It's weird how I still recognise the armor guy.

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[-] Thcdenton@lemmy.world 6 points 1 week ago

Boob plate is a pet peeve of mine. That shit is dumb

[-] pyrflie@lemm.ee 4 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

Depends on the system mechanics; 3.5e/1e that first one will have way higher AC due to Natural Armor, Mage Armor, and the inevitable Monk dip.

As to the real world, so long as breastplate doesn't have a concave catch point at the underboob the second would be both practical and effective. The riveted decorative "cleavage" at the top is actually fairly common and practical for diverting arrow/lance splinters away from the head and neck.

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this post was submitted on 02 Sep 2024
310 points (93.1% liked)

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