Ask Lemmy

It could be a romantic however not necessarily a sexual attraction (aesthetic attractions also exist). I'm asexual, but still have romantic and aesthetic attractions to people.

Also a guy here. Since I've known that some people are sexually attracted to the same gender, I was curious about myself. So over the years I tried to sleep with two other guys, always in the presence of woman so I had something to fall back to just in case. And I learned that I do find some other guys attractive but I'm not into sex with them.

Quite honestly, I never questioned my sexuality. Naturally, I've been attracted to others before, I can recognize this feeling quite clearly. Which labels others put on me because of that really doesn't matter to me, so I don't think about them. I simply go for it if I feel attraction.

Of course, only go for it if you're single and while it never applied to me or you in this case, don't go for illegal things. If something like bestiality or pedophilia ever came up I would start questioning myself and consider therapy.

You're allowed to have romantic feelings to people you're not sexually attracted to! Been through something similar on my journey, what I thought was attraction was envy and had the oops I'm trans moment, and turns out I'm kinda not sexually attracted to people's bodies. Still attracted to people, but for who they are and how they act rather than for what they look like. This really helped me figure out my attraction to men, because obviously I felt different about them than women and didn't have the feelings about them physically (gender envy in disguise) but still had feelings for them, without that physical attraction. Ended up hooking up with some guys and liked it/them. Certainly not suggesting this is the case with you, just... Attraction, romantic and sexual, are complicated things, and it's ok to not have it all figured out. Just try to keep an open mind for yourself, it's a lot easier to question yourself and reflect when all answers are acceptable, you know?

No, but I've questioned why I'm still virgin and never dated.

Yea, and basically the same circumstances as you. It's happened a couple times over my life and I don't know why. I suspect it's like what your friends said and my brain picked up on something it interpreted as feminine or I was mistaking some other feeling for attraction. The feeling was never strong enough to actually pursue anything so I didn't really dwell on it.

Best advice I ever got regarding this kind of things: Try it out and see where it goes! Play open, be honest and have fun! ;-)

Nah.

I can recognise attractive men but haven't ever really had a crush on one. French kissed one of my gay pals on his birthday like 10 years ago but that's the limit of my experiences. Embarassingly vanilla!

No. I like feminine women who are healthy, strong, and supportive, and always have.

I'm gay and I've never questioned my sexuality.

No. I have not.

Yeah, I did for a long time in my late teens. I thought I was attracted to girls because that was the 'default'. But the second dating a guy became an option, I realised that the thought of it made me way more excited. I was totally in denial before that too - like I'd look at fetish porn with male actors and think 'oh I'm just interested in this fetish, the gender isn't important here'. Nope, I like guys.

I'd say that I'm more attracted to feminine looking guys. I guess if you're interested in exploring these feelings there's no harm in asking this guy how they feel and see where things go.

Not me. Everyone else though. In the land of rednecks,that is the lot of the intellectual

I've never questioned the sexuality itself, in fact it was a friend of mine who had to inform me I was asexual (aceflux to be exact). I did not question it, but he had realized he was asexual based on conversations with his siblings, and he let me know based on the signs that caused him to realize it. I in turn went to his GF and did the same thing. We're all asexual.

The biggest sign, for those wondering, is really just that NSFW thoughts don't come naturally, and it was profound enough in us that, in my guy friend's case, he thought that when people get physically lovey-dovey with each other, it was simply a form of rebellion against social norms. One day he was asked why he and his GF don't "do it" and he had the epiphany "wait, I didn't know that's something we're supposed to do".

Even more intriguing is we all have different "fetishes" that all correspond so little to relationships and would be irrelevant to anything we encounter in daily life that our minds did not connect the "feeling" of the fetishes to "doing the act". So a lot of people have looked at us, the two friends being in a relationship and me being in one with a non-asexual (but who is genderfluid), and they see we get "turned on", and they think we're offensively misusing the asexual label, unaware that it's not cut and dry. Often I'm asked to explain how, in their words, such a thing is possible, as if someone whom the whole concept of sexuality is alien to couldn't ask them the same thing, and it's even a source of hate as people looking to hook up with me think it's just a trend/phase/excuse.

Aside from all of that, I've also had enough trans friends that occasionally the thought goes to my mind that maybe I myself should start questioning it, which is why there will be times when I am identified externally as the gender I am not. I, however, don't identify as trans at the moment, not that I am fully aware. I have always identified as female. Though I'm jealous of my friends for having acedar (the asexual equivalent to gaydar) while I seem to have a subconscious transdar.