No Stupid Questions

I was on similar threads on Reddit where 90% of the replies were: “do it! do it! who gives a fuck! do it!”, and here the replies seem to be 90% “actually we care about what happens to you, so let’s weigh the pros and cons”. I guess it says a lot about the difference between both communities. 😉

Don’t quit unless you have a new job first. I had a friend quit first and he’s still looking over 8 months later.

Write down on a bit of paper "I want to spend more time with my son, I can always find another job", then flip it over and write "I'm going to spend my time on work, I can always have another kid" and see how you feel.

I think you should look into trying to move closer to where you work. If that's not possible then look for a different job, set it up first, then go ahead with quitting this one.

If your employer would not want to lose you, think about what would make it work better for you and then talk to your manager. More days WFH, or shorter hours on days you're in the office, or a big fat relocation package, or whatever works for you.

If they can't/won't help, don't quit until you have another job lined up. Make sure they know it's why you're leaving.

The best time to look for a job is when you already have one. Don't fall into the trap of thinking that just because you are spreading your resume around you have to leave eventually. Actively pursue other opportunities while still giving your current job all the attention it warrants.

I last started looking for a job because I had an asshole manager, but didn't find anything worth leaving over, so I stayed. That guy eventually failed upwards, out of my management chain. But I eventually got hooked up with my current job based on that search. I wouldn't say it's a dream job, but it's definitely better.

It’s a tough market at the moment, so it’s never a bad time to start looking, but I wouldn’t quit until I had something in hand

Tough one. But here’s how I would decide.

3 days a week of not being able to see your kid is a big price to pay. You can do it if it is meaningfully taking you somewhere. To the next level. Something. But can you keep doing this forever? I couldn’t. I’d only be able to do it for a finite period because it would move the needle on our lives somehow.

Don't quit your dream job. You have 4 days per week at home and a job you love. That is a dream to a lot of people.

Is moving closer to your work not an option?

I would ask, what do you value more? You’re career or your family?

Can you use your home office days to look for other work that's closer to home or is wfh? A commute like that is incomprehensible to me. I'm lucky enough that I have never worked more than 20 minutes from my house, and I don't even apply to jobs that are further away. I understand not everyone can do that she to their industry and costs of living in certain areas, but 3 hours a day of commute is brutal.

In my mind, if you're missing out on time with your family, especially your child, it's a no brainier. But, because you have a family to support, you should find a new job before you quit this one. A job you like and quality time at home is better than your dream job and missing all the milestones of growing up.

You might find this article helpful:

https://www.mrmoneymustache.com/2011/10/06/the-true-cost-of-commuting/

Can you bump the morning start for a late start, and just finish later? Would it reduce the commute time by being off peak? Having mornings with your son is not bad.

If there's no business reason to have you in the office (other than bums on seats, which is a terrible business reason), maybe ask if there's any way you can do four WFH a week? But definitely start looking for a new job, and remember, it's easier to get a job if you already have a job.

Would moving closer to your workplace be an option? You said the pay is good and you like working there.

You could save up to 3 hours every non-homeoffice work day.

Potato. People think just because they’re used to make French friends, they’re unhealthy. Just don’t deep fry them and they’re perfectly fine.

We have an obligation to show our children happiness can exist in a work life balance.
Could you be happier with your balance elsewhere? This is really the only question to answer.
I'm away from home now than my husband, but I'm day happier in my job than I've ever been in my life. My happiest work life balance is being happy at work. When I'm off I'm more likely to spend meaningful time with them now, than when I was home more often, but absent from the moment because I was depressed with my life over all.
Do you have balance? Honestly, if seems like you do because the loss of either of both seems to cause you distress. But this is only one person looking in

For me a few factors would be prevalent, I'd have several questions to ask myself.

1. What type of commuting? If you're driving, that's a very large time sink of 9 hours a week with little opportunity to do anything worthwhile with it. But if you're on a train, then maybe you can work some entertainment and enhancement into your commute time because you have the gift of attention, and that time wouldn't go fully to waste. Buy a Steam Deck and play games on the way in and home. Or bring a novel to read. Or find some professional development materials online to bring with you, and skill up as you travel. Anything but allowing that time to bleed into the void.

2. Might your company be open to giving you more home working time? Even three days at home weekly versus two is a HUGE quality of life difference. One day office, or fully remote, even better still. If your role definitely doesn't have to be physically there, and you would save your company office space for other uses, you may be able to make a pretty good business case, if you can find the tangible wins for your employer.

3. Failing all that, I'd check around to see if I could land a similar role at a different company that allowed full remote or less office time. Even if you take a slight pay cut, remember that reclaiming that commute time is valuable (both in the time itself and the lessening of expenses, like wear and tear and fuel for a vehicle, or 150 round trip train tickets and external lunches a year, et cetera) and should be weighed into what you're "really" making.

4. Above all, if you decide a change is in order, have your new thing lined up first. The economy is tightening almost everywhere right now and if you're unemployed, it can take quite a while to get a preferable new job lined up. Do that work on the side while in your current job if you decide to do it.

Apologies for the book, this is just fresh for me, I was doing all of this analysis up until a few months ago, when my company pivoted from three days a week in the office (which was wrecking me) to two days a month, solving my dilemma. We're obviously not the same people with identical lives, but I thought some insight from someone who'd recently had the same situation might help. Best of luck to you!

You’re gonna have to give us more than that I’m afraid.

Even if you don't quit now, you have to realize this isn't sustainable. Make a plan for when you need to leave by, and work torwards it. It may be a month, a year, or 5 years. But the fact that you're considering leaving means this ISN'T a dream job.

I'd definitely look for a new job closer. If anyone has recently left, you might be able to talk to them about it.