All the time for the past few months, I went through a break up because of my own stupidity, but recently she wants to talk again, but lightly, and with the fact that nothing romantic is possible. I tried talking to more people and even one I caught a few feelings for but I realized I didn't actually like them and it just made me realize how great she was again. I just constantly feel guilty cause I want to try again but I know I don't deserve another chance, and other parts of my life with me trying to find a new place to live, a new job, dealing with college classes that I didn't really wanna do. I just feel like a constant failure when I had so much opportunity. Got depression meds, and they worked for a while, but they are working less and less now.

I used this image for a history project in middle school, I used it as a model for a Minecraft build

Considering walking across the highway till the breeze stops

I got to she

I don't even really remember I think, I don't even really feel like I've "dealt" with it. I'll tell some of my experience but I won't go into too much detail.

For us, we were even talking about marriage, but I did something wrong and I felt helpless after the break up, I couldn't do anything, other problems arouse and I even started planning suicide.

I tried talking to other people, some related to the situation and some not, to get perspective on stuff, I even got a new job, but depression hit me hard once I started, so I quit soon after to get that under control which was fine, my financial situation was good enough to do this at the time.

Eventually I just started thinking about what I wanted in a relationship and somehow I stopped blaming myself, but now I have a anger I don't know how to deal with towards her and her family, we see each other once a week during our martial arts class, and it keeps it kinda fresh on my mind but I love the class so I decided it's worth it.

I'm talking to someone else, not really as a potential romantic partner but someone who I can be good friends with and if it goes that way then it's a plus. I didn't have the biggest friend group before and it got even smaller after the break up, so I'm trying to branch out.

I guess that's how I dealt with it, focused on a hobby, and making new friends, making sure I got to talk it out with various people to make sure I didn't get into an echo chamber (which my brain and family would be a major one)

My own mother spewed said nonsense to me the day he was convicted, I died a lot inside

Ga Ga La Taco

I was considering it before we dated, but with my financial problems and job troubles this break up brought it to my mind again

About two weeks now, she broke it off cause I fucked up, I know I did.

a few months ago we had sex, it had been building and it was nice, but about a week or two after she said she didn't want anymore till marriage for religious reasons, which I understood as we both come from Christian backgrounds.

The problem came from my sexual frustration affecting my actions, I tried respecting her boundary but as we would cuddle a lot, I would get aroused and then frustrated with myself.

Two weeks prior to our breakup, I asked if she would let me relieve myself as I tried this the last time we hung out and was much more relaxed, but I didn't want to force her out of the room to do so

So I asked if she wanted to stay, she first said yes, which I knew was a lie, and I asked her again at which she said no and left the room

She came back a few minutes later and asked to go home, which I took her home feeling awful cause I knew I made her uncomfortable.

Other frustrations with family and financial that I didn't deal with caused me to act irrationally (generally just irritated) the subsequent weeks, she then broke it off and it took me awhile to realize all of what I had done, I knew I messed up that day, but that wasn't the only thing.

I should've changed my mindset and made her boundary my boundary, and reached out and talked about what was frustrating me instead of dancing around it, I feel awful and want to try and fix it, I miss her family deeply and all I want to do is have dinner with them, sit on the couch and watch a stupid movie.

I'm trying to do other things that make me happy but I'm finding it tough, tried working out but I lose energy quickly, games are feeling dull, my friends that I can still hangout with aren't available right now and won't be for months. I'm having trouble finding a job, and I'm considering joining the military, but I'm just tired, so so tired.

People say that it gets better with time, but I just feel like it's getting worse. Maybe it gets worse before it gets better but idk. She was my first relationship, but we've known each other for a long time, and I've known her family for just as long, and it feels like a lot of things I love are just gone now.

Man I can't wait for non-binary nap time

...what? Come again?

Can I still shit?