[-] SadStruggle92@hexbear.net 0 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago)

Pls updoot my post 2 😭

[-] SadStruggle92@hexbear.net 1 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago)

The big problem is that a lot of this is stuff that I've genuinely been trying to work hard on for the last 4-5 years, and not only has it not really changed anything socially about my life (although I have been slightly more stable in employment), it's all come crashing down on me lately. I got a real bad leg injury (like, probably gonna require surgery to reattach something bad) in the course of keeping up with my regular weight-training routine & my work, and not only is it costing me a lot of money, but it's also prevented me from moving forward with my life (i.e. getting my own place closer to work).

I'm also someone who didn't have a lot of opportunities growing up, I don't feel. I come from, & still live in, a small & relatively poor community, and I myself lived in a trailer park until I was about 12. I've also got ASD, and it's significant enough that I got diagnosed very young & spent nearly all my school years in special education; and where I went to school they were very big on physical restraint & isolation as punishments. My parents, just as well, had a lot of their own problems & were not generally able to pay attention to what was going on with me, or my sister (who has had a whole host of problems on here own). I never had a lot of chances to make friends with people in my time, and when I have tried most don't seem to care for my company, or my particularities. Admittedly some of that is my own fault though I suppose, as I was not a very happy or positive person for a very long time, and in a lot of ways I'm still not most of the time though I still try & do what I think is right.

I suppose for all of those reasons I don't really have the ability to be as naturally "attentive" as people might ask or expect of me; and that makes me very dubious of my ability to ever really be a part of society.

...

I'm not sure how I want to conclude this now as it's close to my bedtime, and I'm running out of brain-power to formulate & connect ideas with; but I hope you can figure out what I'm trying to get at here.

[-] SadStruggle92@hexbear.net 1 points 2 years ago

But imo taking it super serious and cutting yourself off from humanity because you got caught in an alienation feedback loop is really depressing to me.

I gotta be honest, I feel like I've been stuck in one of these for the last 20 years. I do not know what to do, and it is very unpleasant. :doomer:

[-] SadStruggle92@hexbear.net 0 points 2 years ago

Damn, the song has been beaten.

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SadStruggle92

joined 4 years ago