"You first." 🤷‍♂️

Just finished Chronologically LOST.

"I'm not looking for a family here. I never was. Thank you for the invitation, but no."

It could be that simple.

It seems to me that by speaking up when you're still calm, you can avoid erupting at an inopportune moment and causing the huge scene that might worry you.

I used to feel terrified about how people judged me--for good reason, based on how people treated me when I was young. Eventually, I grew utterly exhausted from trying to please everyone, after which it became much easier to speak up for myself.

Now I find it easy to offer a cheery "No, thanks" while acting like it's perfectly normal and leaving the other person to be confused and to deal with it.

I wish you peace as you work towards finding your voice.

"I'm not interested. Please leave me alone."

You want candy?

In that case, I'm not sure you're missing anything and I'm not even sure you have a problem to solve here.

I understand better. I might relate, too.

I'm not the type to keep relationships "alive" by checking in, but at the same time, when someone re-enters my life after even years, it can be as though no time had passed. If I can help, I will. We can chat for minutes or hours. I'm happy to pick up where we left off.

I have the distinct impression that many other people don't operate this way. I do. Do you?

I have a big chosen family, including people who feel like children, and even grandchildren. I don't believe that a blood relation would make that any richer an experience for me.

And specifically what kind of "weirdo"? If you only meant that they are relatively uncommon, that's obviously true, but I suspect you mean something more significant than merely "there are fewer of them than cishet folks".

The same as any friendship: mutual support and love. What you're describing sounds like an acquaintance to me, not a friend, if conversations don't develop past small talk. Maybe that's what you're missing.

Check your privilege.