jurassicneil

All the best to you my friend. May you find joy and peace in whatever you do

Wow, thank you so much for this. You've given me a lot to think about. It's something I hadn't given much thought but now see how important it is. Collective labor power with respect to SWEs seems like a challenge but one I'm not averse to exploring. Appreciate your words truly.

When that happens I'm just stunned. Debugging queries is this guy's idea of a rewarding and stimulating challenge? Then wtf is wrong with me then lol. Good for him though lol.

Dude, this happens to me too with my boss. He'd assign me some project with a new tech/framework even he doesn't fully understand. That would be my main task while he is busy running multiple teams and doing stuff assigned to him. A bit later I find this guy playing with the framework he had assigned me and his level of proficiency with it is already beyond mine even though I was solely focused on that while he was juggling god knows how many things. I get that its a difference in years of experience but also, this dude was just playing around with the framework cuz he was curious. He didn't need to touch it at all, but he did it anyways. I would never think that way for computers. Other stuff yeah. Which brings me back to my original problem lol.

It sounds to me like maybe you've been gaslighted into thinking something is wrong with you for needing time for yourself.

Yeap, I don't buy into the gaslighting though. It's just that I have no better option right now, so doing this work is the only way for me. I thought if I actually was interested in the stuff I'm working on, maybe I'd be more efficient at it and save more time or even if I did have to work extra it wouldn't burn me out. That's why I asked about the social sciences in my post as I had more inclination towards that, but the way I see this going currently, I'm concerned.

I would say more social sciences than humanities.

What about social sciences? Are they also constrained to only being viable in academia?

My boss/who is also my mentor expects me to upskill and upskill fast. As such I can't forget about it when I get home. I need to put some extra time to handle the learning curve. I don't mind it too much just that I feel if this field resonated with me more, I wouldn't think of this as extra work but something I inherently enjoy doing. Which makes me feel that I'm missing out on having a fulfilling career/life in someway.

you could always start a company of your own and give me a job

I would if I could......one day. Seriously though, thank you for perspective.

I'm actually given a lot of autonomy at my job. It's the learning aspect that I'm sort of struggling with. I do learn but it's like I'm forcing myself to do so instead of finding something in it that piques my curiosity and leading with that. As such I don't feel like I'm gonna learn as well as I should if I was naturally a bit curios about it.

IMO work can only be so engaging, like I love CS but I only get to do the fun stuff at work sometimes

That's a good point.

Thank you for you words comrade. Appreciate them truly.

My current workplace is somewhat socially aligned and they do good work. Problem is me not finding the work itself that exciting.