Ask Lemmy
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And? This is treated as the only selling point of the technology, and is a significant part of the confusion. Lemmy isn't a place you can go to on the Internet. Having to go into a 10 minute long explanation of ActivityPub doesn't help sell the social web. Not that people using it would be able to; most fediverse users still don't seem to know even the basics of how it works. People still ask about logging into different instances with the same credentials.
Some of them are. Not that that's the point.
Lemmy is something you use to create a social content aggregation website. It also happens to network with other, similar websites. But we want to treat them as access points some imagined whole, which A) they are not, and B) raises this problem of choice paralysis around which server to use, because they're discussed and treated as dumb terminals, rather than websites.
You definitely know what you're talking about. I have no idea how federated shit works. As far as I can understand each instance hosts its own content, but connects to other instances and fetches their content too. So, yeah, they're all different sites, but they're adhering to one "federation standard" (like an API response format for a post or a list of posts or whatever). How far off am I?