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Suggestion/discussion: Should we add "incel" to the no-no word list? (hexbear.net)

submitted 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) by REgon@hexbear.net to c/hexbear@hexbear.net

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I don't know, but this comment from @Hermes@hexbear.net has given me some stuff to think about.

People should not think less of you on the base of the amount of sex you have, and you shouldn't either.

This is a nice thought, but insults based on amount of sex are absurdly common. I have seen quite a few people on this site who still do these insults, and it doesn't get removed when I report it. The incel article from a while go was about how we should critique incels for their misogyny rather than them failing to have sex, I see this as pretty similar to the arguments about not body-shaming fascists in that most of the people who will get hit by the insult are not the actual target. From what I remember, that article good job explaining why these insults are harmful and how they hurt a lot of people who they really shouldn't, unfortunately the discussion on that post was very off topic. In my experience, most people who have sex fail to recognize that not everyone who is celibate is an incel ("If so many terrible people have sex and you can't, that must mean you are worse than they are!").

I would say that insults based on amount of sex a person has should not be allowed, but I am very pessimistic about this actually leading to a change in site culture.

Once again, please assume good faith, even if you disagree with the take. If you think I mean something weirdly reactionairy by this post, ask me wether that is what I mean, instead of just saying that's what I mean please.
I don't want this to become a strugglesession, I just feel like this would be a good discussion to have. If this does become hostile, then please lock/remove it mods.

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[–] MiraculousMM@hexbear.net 6 points 1 day ago (1 children)

To add more context to your second example (woah now I'M on TV soypoint-2 ), the removed comment that prompted me to call that user an incel said:

I don't do [patriarchy denialism], I'm saying that using the excuse of patriarchy every time you want to push the blame off women is stupid. Women are responsible for their dating choices.

This struck me as straight up incel ideology, they're basically saying "the reason biphobia exists is because those FEMOIDS only want to date CHAD", so I responded in kind by calling them what they sounded exactly like. I could be wrong, they might've been a run-of-the-mill misogynist and I agree with your overall point about how the term should be used correctly. Just wanted to throw that out there

[–] Hermes@hexbear.net 4 points 1 day ago

I did check the modlog for these when I was picking them out, so I did know the contents of the removed comment. I did not read the comment in the same way, my interpretation of that comment was the user blaming women for societal expectations placed upon men. Which is still misogyny, but not really the way that incels would frame that point, at least in my opinion. Regardless of you agreeing with my interpretation, this is a good reason why it shouldn't be thrown around as a generic insult. If two people trying to read a post for incel thoughts are getting different messages about the ideology of the user who posted it there are some users will see "incel" being used against a generic misogynist, which is bad for reasons stated above.

I don't want it to sound like I think these ideas shouldn't be ridiculed, but there are other ways to do it that don't involve calling them incels.