The Onion

WASHINGTON—Whining that they were being discriminated against even though they were the “bestest sons ever in the whole wide world,” the Trump Boys attempted Thursday to convince their father that Barron was getting unfair advantages because he was a DEI. “Daddy, Barron is ruining our lives because he’s different,” said a pouting Donald Jr., who sobbed while describing how their little brother received preferential treatment even though he couldn’t do cartwheels, play basketball, or make fart noises as good as they could. “If we don’t do something, soon it’ll be nothing but Barron Trumps around here. We think it’s time to fire him from the family forever, and then send him back to wherever REIs [sic] come from!” At press time, the Trump boys had put on baseball helmets and aprons and rushed into Barron’s room to deport him to “Guacamole Bay” [sic].