Transfem
A community for transfeminine people and experiences.
This is a supportive community for all transfeminine or questioning people. Anyone is welcome to participate in this community but disrupting the safety of this space for trans feminine people is unacceptable and will result in moderator action.
Debate surrounding transgender rights or acceptance will result in an immediate ban.
- Please follow the rules of the lemmy.blahaj.zone instance.
- Bigotry of any kind will not be tolerated.
- Gatekeeping will not be tolerated.
- Please be kind and respectful to all.
- Please tag NSFW topics.
- No NSFW image posts.
- Please provide content warnings where appropriate.
- Please do not repost bigoted content here.
This community is supportive of DIY HRT. Unsolicited medical advice or caution being given to people on DIY will result in moderator action.
Posters may express that they are looking for responses and support from groups with certain experiences (eg. trans people, trans people with supportive parents, trans parents.). Please respect those requests and be mindful that your experience may differ from others here.
Some helpful links:
- The Gender Dysphoria Bible // In depth explanation of the different types of gender dysphoria.
- Trans Voice Help // A community here on blahaj.zone for voice training.
- LGBTQ+ Healthcare Directory // A directory of LGBTQ+ accepting Healthcare providers.
- Trans Resistance Network // A US-based mutual aid organization to help trans people facing state violence and legal discrimination.
- TLDEF's Trans Health Project // Advice about insurance claims for gender affirming healthcare and procedures.
- TransLifeLine's ID change Library // A comprehensive guide to changing your name on any US legal document.
Support Hotlines:
- The Trevor Project // Web chat, phone call, and text message LGBTQ+ support hotline.
- TransLifeLine // A US/Canada LGBTQ+ phone support hotline service. The US line has Spanish support.
- LGBT Youthline.ca // A Canadian LGBT hotline support service with phone call and web chat support. (4pm - 9:30pm EST)
- 988lifeline // A US only Crisis hotline with phone call, text and web chat support. Dedicated staff for LGBTQIA+ youth 24/7 on phone service, 3pm to 2am EST for text and web chat.
view the rest of the comments
(EDIT: I should say, gender-affirming care is the number one way to alleviate dysphoria: hormone therapy, surgeries, hair removal, etc. should be prioritized and come first. My response assumes you are already on top of that.)
Some tips that have helped me:
Generally, dysphoria is not as bad for me when other things are going well, e.g. if I'm well hydrated, had a good night's sleep, and I'm eating healthy my skin tends to look softer and more feminine and is more likely to look "nice" to me. My mental health is also usually better, I'm less likely to spiral from insecurities and poor self esteem, and so on.
So, follow the basic steps of being healthy as well:
It's less about being perfect and more about doing what you can.
Less conventional tips:
See also:
Premium comment, and yes to much of this to some variety.
Go out there and become yourself. Being the new you and taking care of that new human, whether better self care or different self care, is a learning curve but the best way to go forward.
premium, huh? Should I start a Patreon? 😝
Thank you for your compliments ❤️
And I think "go out there and become yourself" is a good summary, though I remember being very early in transition and feeling entirely clueless about what it meant to "be myself" - this phrase and language came up a lot, esp. from supportive cis allies. Everyone thought it was so great I was "being myself", but I never felt my transition was ever about being myself, really (or what that meant, even).
After decades of repression I was so dissociated and disconnected from myself, my desires, etc. Eventually I realized on a cognitive level that when I did things to facilitate feeling like a woman, I seemed to feel good or at least less bad (and feeling masculine made me feel worse). From there I eventually came around to "go out there and be a woman" - and that ended up working for me pretty well. I don't know who I am, but I know being a woman in the world consistently makes me feel good.
All this to say, sometimes the trans experience can be fractured and difficult to piece together or interpret, and I try to be sensitive to that, since it is my own experience as a trans person. This makes it hard to summarize or communicate effectively for every kind of trans experience out there.
Some people have a good sense of self, some don't.
Thank you
Dandelion, have you ever considered writing professionally? You answer so many questions with thoughtful, insightful, and exquisite prose. A "transition experiences guide" or a memoir from you would make for a delightful read.
Also, I definitely needed to read this comment today. I spent the day boymoding and doing home renovation and it was unpleasantly dysphoric. I am not intending to be misogynistic, because there are plenty of women around me absolutely nailing the homeowner thing, but standing on a ladder getting caulk in my fingernails and forcing a hammer drill into a wall is not my idea of a good time.
ha, I think you're too kind 😅 I'm glad you are finding my comments helpful 🥰
While I haven't ever seriously considered writing professionally, I have also never felt like I have anything to write that I thought fit a commercial purpose. Reading Julia Serano and Mia Violet have made me feel like I don't have much to add, others have already covered it.
I think of myself more like a Wikipedia editor than an author, if that makes sense - someone in the background who wants to help make information more accessible, digestible, etc. - but not necessarily someone who has had any unique perspective that I feel the world is missing.
And I feel you on the home renovations, I couldn't find anyone to fix some water damage in a bathroom after demolition and remediation happened, so I ended up teaching myself and doing all the construction myself - this occurred right in the middle of my social transition, and re-occupying that masculine role was very dysphoria inducing.
Nowadays when I'm engaging in projects that make me feel masculine like that, I like to do things that make me feel femme, like putting my hair up in a ponytail, wearing a busty / tight-fitting tank-top and tight jeans that emphasize by butt - that all definitely helps ground me a little in my femininity. The work is physical and invokes the body, so efforts to help me re-interpret that body in those movements really seem to help. Sometimes I can even feel proud of myself as a woman for the hard work I'm doing, rather than my old thinking that this kind of labor is expected of me because of my perceived gender.
this is genuinely such a helpful comment and many of these things have helped my dysphoria in the past. not OP but thank you for this
This is a huge help, thank you!