this post was submitted on 12 Mar 2023
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GenZedong
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Destroyer of All That Is Good Vladimir (scary name!) Poutine Plans For Future Weaponization:
spoiler
-My Grandma (she watched a tennis match where a RUSSIAN won)
-Cold Spaghetti (brings down the internal body temperature of Americans so they are less protected against his Level 8 Frost Lazer)
-Powerthesaurus.com (makes young American writers insufferable sounding)
-Baby Grand Pianos [oak only] (used to drop comically on beloved American heroes)
-Cocomelon (turning Gen Alpha into goblinoids)
-Your Grandma (she flirted with me on his behest and it made me mildly uncomfortable)
-Talcum Powder (causes mesothelioma and bankrupts patriotic American companies fighting lawsuits)
-Azov Battalion (created the PERFECT excuse for him to rapidly spike military spending)
-9/11 (funny memes that ensued exposed the lack of patriotism in American youth and widened the boomer v zoomer divide)
-The Black Death (arrived in Europe via Poutine Time Machine)
-Bill Maher (unfunniness reduced American lifespans by an average of 6 years)
-Fortnite (reducing American productivity that could be spent making Abrams tanks)
-Abrams tanks (overfunding Abrams tanks causes domestic economic problems in America in an effort to destabilize and cause civil unrest)
-Taco Bell (reduced quality of food over the last decade has been a severe hit to the morale of young Americans everywhere)
-Liberal anti-Russian media (purposefully poor coverage of the Ukraine conflict has embittered Americans to their military industrial complex)
-Ontomontopia (using instead of academic personalizations of words reduces general American IQ and leads Americans down the Old Macdonald Had a Farm --> Cocomelon --> 9/11 radicalization funnel)
he gaveth the mexican pizza, and he taketh away
I didn't exactly have high expectations when I arrogantly mushed my smartphone to query Google Image Search on "putin destroying taco bell" but yet again my hubris has been rewarded and my bad behavior enabled by our Silicon Valley comrades