I'm trying to be better but I'm terrible some days and better others, my willpower day-to-day isn't at all consistent enough to help. I'm always depressed and tired, even when I take my meds and get good sleep.
I love to imagine myself as I would be if I had the willpower and energy to tackle each day. What it would be like to be able to make friends as an adult without having anyone from college, highschool, or childhood. What it would be like if I could go about my day with confidence in my own ability, knowing I can back it up. What it would be like to live in my skin without wanting to scream all the time even when I'm happy. What it would be like if I was enough for myself.
What it would be like if I was just good enough to be okay. I wish I could be okay
How about ya'll?
I know many people are like me in one way or another, and asking if there are is kind of pointless, but I just want to hear from people like me. I don't want to be alone.
But I also know that these things are literally mostly the fault of the banal dystopia wearing down our will to live every day. As well as that despite all this shit you still believe in us, in the potential of humanity, is an act of love so pure that one who feels it cannot be evil. I will not accept your self hatred, you are a good person, just one thats been worn to pieces trying to pull them back together.
I exist in both planes, burdened by my past and suicidal ideation while living in the present, which materially is great.
I think im on the otherside of the issues you are facing now; I did the work, seperated myself from the toxic enviroment and have found myself, at least on a personal level in a happy place; but the weight of the past crushes me some days and others feels light as a feather.
Im ok, il always be alright; its a struggle.
Sending love and support, you're doing so well comrade!
Thank you <3