I'm trying to be better but I'm terrible some days and better others, my willpower day-to-day isn't at all consistent enough to help. I'm always depressed and tired, even when I take my meds and get good sleep.
I love to imagine myself as I would be if I had the willpower and energy to tackle each day. What it would be like to be able to make friends as an adult without having anyone from college, highschool, or childhood. What it would be like if I could go about my day with confidence in my own ability, knowing I can back it up. What it would be like to live in my skin without wanting to scream all the time even when I'm happy. What it would be like if I was enough for myself.
What it would be like if I was just good enough to be okay. I wish I could be okay
How about ya'll?
I know many people are like me in one way or another, and asking if there are is kind of pointless, but I just want to hear from people like me. I don't want to be alone.
But I also know that these things are literally mostly the fault of the banal dystopia wearing down our will to live every day. As well as that despite all this shit you still believe in us, in the potential of humanity, is an act of love so pure that one who feels it cannot be evil. I will not accept your self hatred, you are a good person, just one thats been worn to pieces trying to pull them back together.
College is a pretty sure fire way to make friends; as someone who recently moved to a city post-grad and who knew 0 people here, and as somone who managed to establish a large social circle within a year il give you what worked for me;
it helps if you all have a common shared interest (this can be ideology, but also for me stuff like cooking, music, film, writing) you do really need to do a lot of the legwork and active stuff to get to this point but it does pay off.
As for employment/living; best bet is good education while keeping costs as low as possible then moving somewhere that offers both a job and not an insane amount of hours per week to live/function.