Help me grow my perspective on openness and sexuality please (beehaw.org)

submitted 1 year ago by TheOtherJake@beehaw.org to c/lgbtq_plus@beehaw.org

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I encountered someone saying, "I have no problems with a person's sexual orientation and choice, I have a problem with anyone being openly sexual or flaunting their sexuality in front of me regardless of their choice of orientation."

I am a card carrying atheist. I was raised in one of the worst fundamental christian extremist groups and now live in near isolation from abandoning it nearly 10 years ago. All sexuality was bottled in my life and surroundings. This is still my comfort zone. A part of me wants to hold on to a similar ethos as the person I mentioned above, but I feel like I'm not very confident it is the right inner philosophical balance either.

I'm partially disabled now, so this is almost completely hypothetical. I am honestly looking to grow in my understanding of personal space and inner morality as it relates to others. Someone enlighten me please. Where does this go, what does it mean to you?

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[-] TheOtherJake@beehaw.org 2 points 1 year ago

So to really clarify. In my past I have had no problem calling out heterosexual people in my friends group for outright lude behavior. Like, a slap on the ass in public and some quick innuendo that would fly past the average pre-teen unnoticed is perfectly fine. Holding hands or a plutonic peck on the cheek or lips is fine. It's the constant prolonged banter, hands in the pants, groping type of behavior that has made me uncomfortable regardless of orientation.

I went to high school at an advanced, State run, semi private institution that was located in a predominantly black neighborhood in the US south. The school was 90% black. I'm white and I quickly learned that there are times when racism went both ways. There were many taboo words and things that can't or shouldn't ever be said in such situations. I had just as many, if not more, black friends that were often willing to stand up for me when I was the minority in a larger group.

I have felt a similar type of need to avoid saying anything when it comes to open lude behavior and the LGBTQ+ community; like I can't say anything as some kind of reparation for the sins of my ancestors kind of thing. This is not something that everyone does or anything like that. It's the kind of situation where there are a couple dozen people in the group and there is that one person that wants to push everyone to their limits and beyond.

This is internally polarizing for me and I don't want to leave that unaddressed. It is an internal conflict point that slows my growth and perspective. So, does one say something, or avoid circumstances where the offending person is present? It feels like a lose:lose situation. If I say something it will likely light a fuse I'm not prepared to absorb the blast from, or I'm labeled as prejudice because of applying the same sense of morality across the board and so avoiding the person is my only option that avoids conflict. At the same time, I don't want the person to feel oppressed or ostracized.

I can only think of twice in my life that this has happened, but it is a mental wall that I never tried to address or get past. It is what polarized me in a way I didn't acknowledge as significant until now.