askchapo

Long-ass post incoming

I was in this exact position a year ago (kinda there again kinda not) and if really didn’t end well. Was super excited to see someone show interest in me PLUS it would get me in a relationship like everyone else around me. I rode with the dopamine wave until I realized I didn’t actually like this person.

I partially blame myself, but I also blame the crushing weight of what was expected of me as a man in his late 20s with little to no relationship history. Like, you’re treated like there is something fundamentally wrong with you if you don’t have a partner by x age, almost to the point of being treated like a second-class citizen. Going places with partnered friends always makes you feel like a burden because you’re either dragging down a potential date or it’s just weird being the only single person in the group.

Still, being partnered with someone you don’t actually like in isn’t much better (and can at times feel worse). Sure, you go out and you’re in the company of couples, but it truly is a different kind of loneliness but loneliness all the same. God it blows so much. There were only a few times where my existence didn’t feel completely invalidated (always being told to be quiet, being shat on for not “loving enough”, getting accused of showing too much attention to other things , telling her when I’ve had “enough”, I could go on).

If I had to offer some advice, it would be to make sure you’re truly compatible or can at least reconcile your differences with a potential partner healthily, otherwise there’s a chance you could lock yourself into a situation where you’re truly unhappy. I’ll probably spend the rest of my life wondering why this had to be one of my first real relationships and why it had to happen so late. This is the shit you typically have to deal with at 16, not 25 💀 But I digress