It was sometime in early 2022 that I found myself reading a few romance novels. I remember being mildly annoyed about how most of the books had instant chemistry/attraction as part of the plot. Then I suddenly found myself wondering, how do I feel if and when I feel attraction? I think I have probably never felt instant attraction. When I look at a good looking man/woman I just feel an appreciation for their beauty, like how I would feel looking at a beautiful painting or photograph. At most all I feel is a wish is to look at them a few times more than is appropriate. I don’t remember how it feels like to feel attraction towards someone I have feelings for. The last time I felt strong feelings for someone was many years ago and I can’t recall my feelings now. I am very curious to know how other people feel when they experience attraction towards someone. How does it feel physically, and what thoughts and/or feelings do you experience? Also, do you consider chemistry and attraction to be the same or different? How?
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this post was submitted on 20 Nov 2023
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Asklemmy
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I think it's a spectrum, ranging from being completely asexual to the other end of the range. Also, i would guess that the mind plays a big role in it too. For instance, people who have a very romantic nature - way of looking at relationships - will probably have other thoughts, feelings and expectations than people who are, say, more down to earth. It's probably a mixture of bodily sensations, personality (both yours and the other's) and mental thoughts about it.
Also, whether someone is open to attraction or not.
I would say to not let anyone or any book tell you what and how you are supposed to feel. Trying to put labels on oneself or others is not helpful at all.
I'll say on the topic of labels: if you find one that fits, great! Go with it. You don't need them, but they sure can help with a sense of self.
My issue with labels is that they can also be imprisoning in some way. If you say; i am this, then you might feel that there is something wrong if you don't fit in it a 100% But if they help, then good :-)
At the same time they can be great communication tools. I use the label lesbian as a way to inform people who I might be attracted to as well as who I definitely won’t.