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How does attraction feel like to you, mentally, physically and emotionally? (literature.cafe)

submitted 11 months ago by Bebo@literature.cafe to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml

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It was sometime in early 2022 that I found myself reading a few romance novels. I remember being mildly annoyed about how most of the books had instant chemistry/attraction as part of the plot. Then I suddenly found myself wondering, how do I feel if and when I feel attraction? I think I have probably never felt instant attraction. When I look at a good looking man/woman I just feel an appreciation for their beauty, like how I would feel looking at a beautiful painting or photograph. At most all I feel is a wish is to look at them a few times more than is appropriate. I don’t remember how it feels like to feel attraction towards someone I have feelings for. The last time I felt strong feelings for someone was many years ago and I can’t recall my feelings now. I am very curious to know how other people feel when they experience attraction towards someone. How does it feel physically, and what thoughts and/or feelings do you experience? Also, do you consider chemistry and attraction to be the same or different? How?

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[–] HikingVet@lemmy.ca 28 points 11 months ago* (last edited 11 months ago) (2 children)

Hey OP, have you ever heard of the Split Attraction Model (SAM)? I found myself with similar questions a few years ago, and since I have realised that there is other people who have had the same experience and that we actually have a name for the experience.

You stated that you feel aesthetic attraction, but have a difficult time figuring out wether you are "attracted" to people.

My suggestion is to look up Aromantic and Asexual identities. But that's totally up to you to decide if you want to. Aven and The Trevor Project are good places to start.

There are Aromantic and Asexual communities here on Lemmy, as well as Reddit. The latter being more populated and all being fairly welcoming (there are a few idiots who gatekeep), at least when I left Reddit.

Hope this helps.

[–] businessfish@lemmy.blahaj.zone 12 points 11 months ago (1 children)

came here to post almost exactly this. it's pretty interesting and rare seeing someone questioning this sort of thing outside of a dedicated asexual community. i'm glad lemmy has people like you who are welcoming and well-informed!

[–] HikingVet@lemmy.ca 6 points 11 months ago (1 children)

I agree that it's rare to see these questions outside the war room. Need all the recruits we can get for Denmark.

Jokes aside, just trying to extend the same sort of kindness thay was shown to me when I was questioning.

[–] Bebo@literature.cafe 3 points 11 months ago

I am so glad that lemmy is inclusive enough to entertain my questions in a general community. The answers that people have given here have definitely helped me in making some sense of attraction.

[–] Bebo@literature.cafe 4 points 11 months ago

This was quite helpful, thanks. Last year I did read up a bit online and realised that I experience aesthetic attraction. From there I wandered into the demisexual sub on reddit and lurked there for a while. Even though I do experience some of what demisexuals experience, I have never had a crush on any friend, something demisexuals report quite frequently. Maybe I am somewhere on the asexuality spectrum, but don't know where exactly. I will check out the links you mentioned and lurk around the asexuality communities.