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I use lemmy.today. The admin there has explicitly stated in the server rules that they want to try to avoid defederation with other instances -- that is, have the users make the decisions as to what they see, not the instance admin. They're US West Coast, and I think l'd take instance location into account when picking a home instance too, since it affects snappiness.
You can look at the server rules for lemmy instances in the sidebar in the Web UI. You can also see which instances they've defederated with, and that can also give you an idea.
Currently, lemmy.today has no defederated instances:
https://lemmy.today/instances
Keep in mind that there's a lot of stuff out there on the Threadiverse, including far-left and far-right instances. You've got instances that have porn communities, like lemmynsfw.com. burggit.moe has lolicon and consentual-nonconsentual content. Some people may want defederation with some instances to ensure that a new community on such an instance doesn't show up in their All feed or that a new instance that hosts content of some sort generally gets blocked for them -- depends on how much you want someone else to censor for you.