Having to leave my job as a caseworker for adults with severe mental illness. I would go to various Residential Care Facilities in my region, working on a specialized team for a very large mental health provider (one of the biggest).

Working thru the pandemic was hell, and the healthcare system has remained so much more strained than I've ever seen it.. My employer merged with another provider, absorbed financial issues, and started deterioratong as a company. Authentic leadership was gutted, management turned toxic, we were over-worked and exploited, and the HR/leadership were literally abusive. I dodged covid for a couple years with religious N95 use, but it eventually got me..

Not exaggerating at all.. in one day, visiting 3 RCFs in 2 different towns, I was exposed to a flu outbreak at one facility, covid at the next, and then finally an RSV outbreak at the ALF I visited last... That almost did me in. I feel almost recovered from most of the long-covid symptoms. Or at least they're more mild and easier to cope with.

But having to leave that job was so difficult... To have some people I'd worked with for years that are bonded to me, and that I genuinely care about was so hard... these people counted on me, and I felt like I was abandoning them.

I've also always tried to cultivate my self-identity and professional role to be helping others due to my own struggles with depression, and helping others has always selfishly helped my own self.

To lose not only all of these Clients who depended on me, but also my awesome team, the (good..) staff at various RCFs, all the public administrators throughout the state that act as court-appointed guardians for so many of my former Clients... I didn't just have to leave my job, but I lost all these relationships, consistent social interactions, and largely my sense of purpose (to help others) and role-identity (as a mental health professional).

It's been a big identity crisis on top of social crisis, on top physical health crisis. It's been the roughest period of my life, and while I know I'm close to rebuilding, I have such a pit of loss that needs to be filled, and eats at me. But regaining my physical health and lessening long-covid symptoms has been encouraging, and I know I'm close to being able to rebuild my role-identity and regain my sense of purpose. But it's been difficult going from self-actualization to being thrust into multiple identity crises.

One thing that has always given me strength and encouragement is remembering what an old professor drilled into us: "You can't have personal growth without struggle; without hardship." It's the hard things, the shit in life we have to fight thru, that preservence is what makes us a stronger, more capable person. I know coming out on the other side, I will be stronger, better-suited for future life challenges. I've gained experience and insight that will make more more equip to recognize the signs that I should've acknowledged before I got so overworked.

We can't grow as a person without struggling. Look at the difference between someone sheltered from the real world thrust into it as an adult, vs someone who had to face more of life's challenges earlier on. Anyway, this is already too long and I've probably overmedicated myself with my Volcano and this African Blueberry kush...