638
submitted 4 months ago by Nero@sopuli.xyz to c/theonion@midwest.social

Joe Biden’s son Hunter has officially withdrawn from the race to become President of the United States following his felony conviction for gun offences.

Many right-wing commentators have long speculated what a felony conviction for Hunter Biden could mean for the political prospects of the Biden family, and Hunter has spoken publicly to put an end to all such speculation.

He told reporters, “Although I plan to appeal, I respect the judicial processes in the country, and the rule of law, and as such, I think it would bring shame on this great nation to have a convicted felon running for President – which is why today I announce that I have no intention of running for President, or any office for that matter.

“It would make a mockery of our democracy if I were to try and become President having just been judged to be a felon by a jury of my peers. How would we look on the world stage? I would have zero credibility outside of my own crazy supporters. That is no way to lead a nation.

“No, that can not happen – and I don’t care if this puts an end to my own personal political ambitions, I must do what is right for this country. And that means reluctantly stepping away from frontline politics.

“My father, of course, will continue his career in politics, because he’s not a felon, and only ill-informed imbeciles will blame him for the actions of his son.”

“Remember to vote in November!”

you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
[-] InternetUser2012@midwest.social 43 points 4 months ago

Very noble to drop out after 1 felony, imagine have over 30.

[-] Tja@programming.dev 14 points 4 months ago

Well, to be fair he has 3 felonies. Yes, I'm fun at parties.

this post was submitted on 11 Jun 2024
638 points (98.9% liked)

The Onion

4413 readers
667 users here now

The Onion

A place to share and discuss stories from The Onion, Clickhole, and other satire.

Great Satire Writing:

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS