this post was submitted on 11 Jun 2024
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Hunter Biden withdraws from Presidential race following felony conviction (newsthump.com)
submitted 5 months ago by Nero@sopuli.xyz to c/theonion@midwest.social
21 comments fedilink hide all child comments
 

Joe Biden’s son Hunter has officially withdrawn from the race to become President of the United States following his felony conviction for gun offences.

Many right-wing commentators have long speculated what a felony conviction for Hunter Biden could mean for the political prospects of the Biden family, and Hunter has spoken publicly to put an end to all such speculation.

He told reporters, “Although I plan to appeal, I respect the judicial processes in the country, and the rule of law, and as such, I think it would bring shame on this great nation to have a convicted felon running for President – which is why today I announce that I have no intention of running for President, or any office for that matter.

“It would make a mockery of our democracy if I were to try and become President having just been judged to be a felon by a jury of my peers. How would we look on the world stage? I would have zero credibility outside of my own crazy supporters. That is no way to lead a nation.

“No, that can not happen – and I don’t care if this puts an end to my own personal political ambitions, I must do what is right for this country. And that means reluctantly stepping away from frontline politics.

“My father, of course, will continue his career in politics, because he’s not a felon, and only ill-informed imbeciles will blame him for the actions of his son.”

“Remember to vote in November!”

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[–] jballs@sh.itjust.works 134 points 5 months ago (1 children)

I think it would bring shame on this great nation to have a convicted felon running for President

Whoa whoa whoa, I thought this was supposed to be satire

[–] eran_morad@lemmy.world 27 points 5 months ago

Bruh. Satire is dead.

[–] Tylerdurdon@lemmy.world 48 points 5 months ago

This is a kangaroo court I tells ya! It's all rigged! Oh wait, he's on their side. This is justice!

[–] InternetUser2012@midwest.social 43 points 5 months ago (1 children)

Very noble to drop out after 1 felony, imagine have over 30.

[–] Tja@programming.dev 14 points 5 months ago

Well, to be fair he has 3 felonies. Yes, I'm fun at parties.

[–] theywilleatthestars@lemmy.world 35 points 5 months ago (1 children)

I would've had a beer with him 😔

[–] thesporkeffect@lemmy.world 26 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago) (1 children)

You still can!

Hell you can probably smoke crack with him.

[–] HowManyNimons@lemmy.world 12 points 5 months ago (1 children)

He's buying.

[–] Kowowow@lemmy.ca 9 points 5 months ago

I don't care if your dad is the president and that you're good for it I'm not giving out freebies

[–] someguy3@lemmy.world 26 points 5 months ago

There are people that would take this headline seriously.

[–] oatscoop@midwest.social 25 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago)

Clearly we need to spam pictures like this on social media. It's a totally normal thing to do when your preferred political candidate is convicted of a crime.

[–] shalafi@lemmy.world 22 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago) (2 children)

I was going to blast Fox News, but hell, pretty close coverage.

Hunter's conviction.

Trump's conviction.

Fair enough I guess!

No, I didn't read the articles, just pointing out the "severity" of the headlines were similar. And no, one thing isn't exactly like the other, I get that. Still, both were more than little newsworthy and you gotta admit, the fat pic of Trump with "GUILTY" plastered on there was hardly prejudicial.

(Now if you had looked at foxnews.com on 01/06/21, yeah, radio silence until much later in the day. I checked, that day.)

[–] barsquid@lemmy.world 26 points 5 months ago

Oh shit, he was already convicted? Did his lawyers forget to jam up the court with bullshit paperwork and delays so that the trail takes months to complete?

I had no idea any trial was going on because I didn't get daily news about Hunter urging a cult of brainlets to target court staff, court family members, and the jury with threats and harassment.

Are we supposed to sob about perverting the justice system over politics and screech about starting a civil war now? I didn't realize the verdict would be so soon, I've got other stuff to do this week.

[–] CptEnder@lemmy.world 12 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago)

Yeah the conscious seems to be Fox News and conservatives aren't going to go hard on Hunter for this one after he's been convicted as it could back fire and look like they're just piling on someone's kid. That and it's a 2A charge they definitely don't even want on that books, so I guess we found the hypocritical threshold. Finally.

I think they were really hoping he'd get off so they can tout their "2 tier" rhetoric (irony) but since he's just as guilty as Trump they can't use that. Even conservative Congresspersons like Gaetz tweeted that it wasn't a fair conviction or that he shouldn't have been tried for that crime.

If he gets off on the tax charges they're gonna nuke him into oblivion though.

Ironically I think SCOTUS is planning on ruling on 2A laws soon which conservative ruling could give him an out on appeal.

[–] TheJims@lemmy.world 21 points 5 months ago

WTF? I love gun regulations now!

-Republicans

[–] bassomitron@lemmy.world 18 points 5 months ago (1 children)

For a moment I was like, "Wait, what? When did he announce he was running in the first place" Then I saw the source, doh!

[–] samus12345@lemmy.world 18 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago) (1 children)

EDIT: It wasn't actually from The Onion, so this might not apply.

[–] 9point6@lemmy.world 8 points 5 months ago

Newsthump is basically a British onion

[–] PunkiBas@lemmy.world 7 points 5 months ago

Bravo! 🙌

[–] morphballganon@lemmy.world 7 points 5 months ago

Spectacular

[–] BenLeMan@lemmy.world 4 points 5 months ago

It's the right thing to do.