this post was submitted on 26 Jul 2024
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I know the dynamics are different, but I'm in reverse situation. White guy, brown wife.
One thing that I really didn't think hard enough about was when my mom told me she was "sad that her grandchildren wouldn't look like [her]" and I sorta blanked it out at the time because it was so fucked up. My wife definitely gets treated worse by my mother for internalized racism reasons among others. My mom is a big CNN lib and always pulls the "i have black friends/work with black people" card whenever I call her on saying something racist.
Ironically my total fox news addicted grandfather LOVES my wife. Partly i think because she reminds him a lot of my late grandmother in her personality. They got along the moment they met and he's treated her like she's part of the family since. He once tried to pull the "there's no more racism anymore" thing and I told him about some racist things that happened to my wife and he immediately paused and contemplated what he said and admitted to being wrong.
On my wifes side of the family, interracial marriages are super normal just due to the dynamics of the country and everyone is mixed 5 ways anyway.
I (white dude) dated a black woman for a while about 10 years ago. For a while I didn't notice anything as we shared the same group of friends and it was chill. It wasn't until we got closer and started going out in public together by ourselves that it was really hammered home.
Typically what would happen is a white person would try to pull me aside, or a black person her, and "politely" (I'm using this sarcastically) try to tell us what we were doing wasn't right or some other even less polite racist nonsense. The first time it happened I about lost my mind, and she just pulled me out of the situation and just hit me with a
face. After a few rounds of that anytime anyone randomly came up to me and said "hey can I talk to you for a sec" I would just give them a "FUCK OFF" or we'd both just laugh in their face and walk away.
God that sounds so tiring. We thankfully haven't experienced any of that but there is a weird tension around a certain group of men who see her as their race even though they're way off. Not trying to get too specific though.
That's an awesome twist of events with your grandpa and unfortunate that your mom doesn't recognize her latent racism.
But yeah I think when it's a white dude dating a brown woman, things are different somewhat? It's a bit more accepted?
Like I don't know your grandpa, but for most reactionaries its a totally different story if it's their daughter or granddaughter dating a brown or black dude.
I'm sure you get where I'm coming from
Yeah I absolutely understand what you were aiming at here.
So much of American racism is some weird sexual pathology with their daughters.