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What are the advantages and disadvantages of being in a relationship? (lemmy.nz)

submitted 3 months ago by Redeemer@lemmy.nz to c/asklemmy@lemmy.world

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[–] MajorHavoc@programming.dev 14 points 3 months ago (2 children)

Third answer, then I'm done.

Disadvantages, and how I mitigate them:

Shift in hobbies. We have shared passions and different passions. There are some hobbies that my partner doesn't love that I don't love enough to do without my partner. I still make time, alone, for my favorite solo hobbies. So does my partner. We have more shared hobbies now. And we have some parallel hobbies (where do we totally separate things, at the same time, and sometimes we compete to be the most boring in hope that the kids will get into the other partner's hobby, instead, for a few minutes.)
I had a weird belief that I should stop masturbating once in a relationship. It took me awhile to figure out that, sure, there can be a timing aspect to having a particularly good time, but what everyone really loves is someone who can still take care of themselves.
Time alone - my partner and I try to send each-other out, alone, at least a couple times each month. We're all objectively delightful, but everyone needs a break.
Sleeping together is nice, sometimes sleeping alone is better. I'm increasingly a subscriber to John Hodgeman's opinion that everyone, who can, should try to set up a "guest" sleeping spot for either spouse to retreat to. A recliner can be great, because it's often when someone had a cold and needs to sleep elevated anyway.
Religion and politics. My religious and political beliefs have shifted continentally since I committed to my partner. So have my partner's, and not always in the same direction. I choose my partner over my favorite politician or pastor. This wasn't a hard choice for me - my favorite politician and my favorite pastor have never touched me in ways that arouse me... Thankfully.

[–] Pandantic@midwest.social 12 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Sleeping together is nice, sometimes sleeping alone is better. I'm increasingly a subscriber to John Hodgeman's opinion that everyone, who can, should try to set up a "guest" sleeping spot for either spouse to retreat to. A recliner can be great, because it's often when someone had a cold and needs to sleep elevated anyway.

My SO and I sleep alone because I move too much in my sleep. My bff and their SO does the same for similar reasons. Sleeping separately doesn’t mean you don’t love each other, it’s a practicality.

[–] MajorHavoc@programming.dev 6 points 3 months ago

Sleeping separately doesn’t mean you don’t love each other, it’s a practicality.

Yeah. I felt silly that it took me so long to figure out that my partner was not worried about it. They do love some cuddles, but I've found plenty of ways to make that happen.

[–] mysticpickle@lemmy.ca 6 points 3 months ago

my favorite politician and my favorite pastor have never touched me in ways that arouse me... Thankfully.