I don't really know why, but this evening while being frustrated at a parent for them being extremely difficult as they rapidly age, I got really emotional thinking about the therapy thing where you identify and acknowledge your own irrational counterproductive feelings while thinking of how your upbringing conditioned you into having them, and then doing an imaginary dialogue with your child self and telling them how those negative thoughts and shit aren't really their fault and you love and accept them for who they are and so on and so on

That got me really fucked up for awhile about how a lot of my mental health issues are downstream from that kind of weird unspoken structure of cis/het normative parenting where your lib normie parents might be supportive of LGBTQIA rights in the abstract and are on fairly good terms with their lesbian sister, but it's like they both knew you seemed kinda z e s t y since you were a toddler, and you always felt pressured to "be normal" growing up and how that repressed and fucked you up into your late teens.

I got really emotional imagining what it'd be like growing up in a culture where queerness was completely destigmatized, or having parent(s) who were LGBTQIA and never made you feel like you ever had to repress parts of your identity to just "be normal," and now I'm just feeling shitty imagining better timelines and better versions of myself with way fewer psychological hangups and way more happiness.

Sorry for the sad post blog shit, I just kinda felt like I had to scream into the void somewhere