Asklemmy

Left side of my bed collapsed while mid-coitus (cheap MDF bed, not raucous sex). Missionary, so we just rolled softly off the mattress and onto the floor. Paused briefly as we both processed what had just happened, then laughed and continued.

I was practicing my front kicks on a heavy bag in my kung fu school when I decided to try to work on their height. I kicked as high as I could which made me lean back (bad form). Well heavy bags fight back and between that and my unstable position I fell backwards like a log. Yes, I was defeated by a bag.

Doing a Horny Gorilla skydive with 5 friends.

Representative photo of a Horny Gorilla not a photo of me or my friends:

We get into the formation, actually get stable and the next thing we all see is a one jumpers deployment bag, with their main parachute in it, come out from his back. Goes above the formation, then the deployment bag comes down into the middle of the formation.. goes back up.. comes back down. Lines are streaming all around and it's turning into a really dangerous situation. Getting tied up in the lines, while in free fall has a great chance of being fatal.

But it was just a surreal moment for all of us, seeing this deployment bag dancing around in the middle of the Horny Gorilla.

The person next to the jumper with the deployment bag out, reaches down and pulls the affected jumper's Pilot Chute, which is what actually deploys the main, and tosses it into the air stream. The affected jumper went flying out of the formation as his main parachute deployed. The rest of us break and track hard.

The guy actually landed his main parachute! He did not end up cutting away and pulling his reserve. The way that deployment bag just danced in an out of the middle of the formation was just unreal and we all just stared at it for what seemed an eternity.

25 years on and we all still talk about it.

when i was running to take the bus and slipped in a puddle in the sidewalk, throwing my legs upwards as if i were daniel stern in home alone, and landing on my back.

Most recently: My white cat was drinking water and my orange cat decided it wanted to attack it, my white cat screams as usual which triggers my dog to go nuts and wants to play as well which causes both cats to run. My white cat runs through the kitchen and jumps on the bench knocking over some containers we had drying out, the containers falling freaks my dog out so he starts barking at nothing in particular, meanwhile my orange cat runs down the hall and goes to turn and go up the stairs but slips (vinyl flooring) and slides into the wall making a loud thud.

This all happened in a space of like 20 seconds, while my family and I are sitting in the middle of it all eating dinner - absolutely perplexed at what just went down.

Watched from my kitchen window as my dad and my dog were chased by a skunk. It was exactly like a comedy sketch. First it was dog barking at skunk with dad yelling from the side door. Then it was skunk chasing dog, dog chasing skunk with dad chasing dog. Then the tables were turned, and my dad was being chased by the skunk.

It was glorious. I remember it taking ages before they could get safely inside. My dad was pissed at the time. They both were partially sprayed, but I don't remember it being that bad of an aftermath. We laugh about it now.

Slipped on a banana peel in kidnergarten.

Working at Dairy Queen when I was a teen. I was cleaning the soft serve machine and forgot to depressurize and drain the machine before i opened the front up. As soon as I loosened the last bolt it exploded gallons of chocolate and vanilla soft serve ice cream. In an instant, the entire mall food court was sprayed in a fine mist of soft serve. Once I wiped the ice cream from my eyes and realized what just happened, I looked around and there was a perfect outline of my silhouette on the wall behind me.

Many years ago I was painting stars on a bedroom ceiling for my oldest's third birthday. I had been running the ceiling fan in the room for all the other painting to help it dry faster, and it didn't occur to me that running the fan while I was on a ladder painting stars on the ceiling wasn't a good idea.

To be fair, I got most of them done before it went bad.

The ceiling fan hit me in the head, and I heard a stadium crowd cheering the home run as I flew off the ladder and landed on my back.

I managed to get a bruise that went around the front of my head. It looked like my skull had flexed.

I decided I had painted enough that day.

I once saw a guy slip and fall on a banana-peel. He just stared at it for a good 30 seconds in disbelief before getting up.

I was at an OHL (minor league hockey) game and they had a couple of very little kids teams come out to skate around the ice before the anthem and puck drop, but while the kids were skating around they rolled out a long carpet to centre ice for the anthem singer to walk out on. Every single kid came around the corner right into the carpet and wiped out, one by one, someone ran out on the carpet waving their arms to try and tell them to STOP! but they either couldn't stop or didn't notice and all of them ate it.

The crowd was a mix of people horrified and going OH NOOOO and others laughing their asses off. It was quite the scene.

It was snowy out and I was in the car with my partner about to take off to work. We had a roommate at that time. I looked over at the house and roommate comes out, slips, and falls. I tell my partner “oh nooo… Roomate fell…” as they’re trying to get the car started.

Roommate attempts to get back up, slips again… gets halfway up, falls again… stands fully up, does a little kinda jog-in-place, falls again… I tell my partner “he’s… still falling…”

I saw a cop pull up and park illegally to go into a Dunkin donuts. It was like seeing a political cartoon in real life.

Stepped on a rake, smacked me right on the forehead. More plausible than you might think.

At a friend's wedding. He is known for being clumsy. Literally 30 seconds out of church after the ceremony. He shows off the ring, just hear a cartoonish pling pling and the ring rolls straight down the street drain in slow-mo. Next 30 minutes are spent recovering the ring, people in suits and dresses digging through the gutter XD

Was putting together a flat pack wardrobe with my sister and mother. Mother just had to stand and support it whilst my sister did up some screws (at this point it was just a rectangle with no internal support so gravity wants to turn it into a rhombus). She starts getting bored and checks her phone leading to it tilting and the top section falls out and brains my sister on the head. After some choice words we put it back together and then she manages to do the exact same thing the second time, right on top of the bump made by the first incident. It was like a laurel and hardy sketch. My sister was very much not amused.

Someone handed me a rake and in perfect cartoon fashion, I stepped on it and wacked myself in the face.

I was talking to a colleague in the office hallway who was holding an empty coffee mug. He fumbled with it a bit until it slipped out of his hands. He tried to catch it, got it, it slipped again, and again, and again. He juggled with that thing for what felt like an eternity until he finally caught it safely. I couldn't stop laughing.

I was leaning against the side of my bike while talking with someone. It rolled away and did a full 360 circle while I fell, and somehow I ended up in exactly the same position as before. And I was just like Uuuuh okay?

Another one that I saw was while ice skating. These two tiny girls were skating hand in hand. One of them fell on her ass, and they both laughed, then the other fell, and they laughed even harder, and they kept falling as they were trying to pull each other up. I hope they're still friends :)

So a light rail train is a surface ground public transport system similar to a tram, it moves around on street level and can be quite fast but is usually plastic on the exterior and lighter and slower than a typical train.

So anyways, one time as I am walking down the sidewalk in college my hat blows right off my head, without thinking much of it I sprint off after it hoping to catch it before it ends up in the street.
I manage to catch right before I'm in the actual road, but apparently still right on the tracks for the light rail that had right of way through the intersection.

I am still bent over grabbing my hat as I look over my shoulder to see the train hitting me.
I bounced off the front of that train probably a good 10 feet, skid across the ground for the last bit but immediately jump up slap the hat back on my head and stare at the driver of the light rail just long enough for us both to realize I am still on the tracks. I don't know what they were ever going to say as I just held my hand down on my hat to stop it blowing away and sprinted as fast as I could away.

I have been hit by nearly every mode of transportation but that one always makes me giggle compared to the trains, buses, cars or boats.

Ya know when someone rounds a corner, they lose traction, run in place for a moment, and then fall?

Yeah. While in a factory. One of the trailers the next section was working on caught fire, so I bolted over there to assist, and no one in my section thought to hit our E-Stop. I bolted around the corner, hit the red button, turned, was booking it back, hit that corner, and was just in place until my ass hit concrete.

After all was said and done, we had a good laugh. Got called out at the next safety meeting for being a bit too enthusiastic on making my way back.

Sister and I ran across the road in winter when we were kids and slipped on the pavement ice, both going arse over elbow in a very comical cartoon slip in time with each other.

In our heads it was like synchronized swimming, but falling

I went dirt bike riding with my dad and my brother. My brother hadn't ridden in a while, so dad started to go over the basics with him. He had other ideas however.

"I know what I'm doing", my brother complained, interrupting the explanation. He then proceeded to start the bike, rev the handle all the way, and dump the clutch. He popped a wheelie and got maybe five feet before he fell over. Funniest thing I've ever seen.

I once had a group drive by in a van, and harass me and my friends as they passed, then, maybe 30 minutes later, come around again, slow down as they were driving past, open the sliding door, and started throwing fish at us. Like whole dead fish.

Most recently: My white cat was drinking water and my orange cat decided it wanted to attack it, my white cat screams as usual which triggers my dog to go nuts and wants to play as well which causes both cats to run. My white cat runs through the kitchen and jumps on the bench knocking over some containers we had drying out, the containers falling freaks my dog out so he starts barking at nothing in particular, meanwhile my orange cat runs down the hall and goes to turn and go up the stairs but slips (vinyl flooring) and slides into the wall making a loud thud.

This all happened in a space of like 20 seconds, while my family and I are sitting in the middle of it all eating dinner - absolutely perplexed at what just went down.