It must be really hard to be an Onion 'reporter' these days, trying to come up with ridiculous nonsense that doesn't seem too far-fetched but is still crazy enough that people know it is meant to be satire and didn't actually happen. It used to be a fine line between those two sections, but .... well ... /gestures broadly at everything

Even if it was a dog or other normal pet, an actual registered ESA doesn't allow you to take them to public things. It just allows you to keep them in your domicile when it normally wouldn't. That's pretty much the only actual benefit of it. It doesn't require the animal to be trained, and doesn't really mean shit.

Source: My husky is a registered ESA.

What can be allowed in public spaces are PSAs. These are harder to register as the owner of the animal actually needs to have a very good reason to have one, the animal must also be trained, and you can only get started in the first place (for either a PSA or ESA) with the recommendation of a psychiatric professional.

ESAs have no rights to enter businesses the way a service animal (which in the US can only be a dog or miniature horse) does. This is some dude that wanted attention. Mission accomplished I guess.

He'd probably be less lonely if he had more thought and empathy for others around him. Imagine how scared people would be around it. He doesn't care about that though, only himself.

“I fed the alligator so it wasn’t hungry and bothered about eating me and while I was asleep, it laid on top of me to absorb my warmth since it’s cold blooded. So obviously it understands my emotional needs.”

These kind of people make me want to have an emotional support portuguese man of war.

Don’t worry. We will see him later

I bring my Emotional Support Hooker everywhere I go.

Damnit! I was waiting to watch that game and now they ruined the fucking score for me... God damn in-depth reporting.

"I'd lay on the couch, and I'd wake up and he'd be laying on my head," Henney told CBS News. "And I knew it was for a long period of time because I had his whole jaw print on my face."

Bro, do not ignore this very important sign wtf

I'm sure the alligator shed a lot of tears

"I'd lay on the couch, and I'd wake up and he'd be laying on my head," Henney told CBS News. "And I knew it was for a long period of time because I had his whole jaw print on my face."

No. Fuck no.

And thus the Phillies cure began.

I too was denied entry with my Emotional Support Cobra. Unfair.