this post was submitted on 07 Feb 2025
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Greentext

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This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

Be warned:

If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

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[–] LuckyPierre@lemm.ee 35 points 11 hours ago (1 children)

Aww, that's sweet. A real modern day love story.

[–] Agent641@lemmy.world 14 points 6 hours ago (1 children)
[–] JayDee@lemmy.sdf.org 7 points 5 hours ago
[–] intensely_human@lemm.ee 39 points 12 hours ago (3 children)

enterprise resource planning??

[–] ThePyroPython@lemmy.world 11 points 8 hours ago

Now you know how machinists feel about CNC.

[–] Chekhovs_Gun@lemmy.world 8 points 11 hours ago

Lmao that's exactly what I said and how I said it

[–] Mr_Canard@jlai.lu 5 points 11 hours ago (2 children)
[–] a_postmodern_hat@lemmy.world 11 points 11 hours ago (1 children)

Ah, enterprise role playing

[–] BigDanishGuy@sh.itjust.works 8 points 11 hours ago

Ah, enterprise role playing

Also known as "a job"

[–] GiveOver@feddit.uk 5 points 10 hours ago
[–] WorldsDumbestMan@lemmy.today 29 points 12 hours ago (1 children)

It's actually easy to get laid, turns out you just have to not be afraid of people (which I am)

[–] Gullible@sh.itjust.works 18 points 12 hours ago (1 children)

Anon, you gotta lock that up. Get him preganat immediately

[–] Agent641@lemmy.world 7 points 6 hours ago

That might be difficult. But keep trying anyway.

[–] stebo02@lemmy.dbzer0.com 42 points 19 hours ago (2 children)

20 years of virginity are rookie numbers, I'm getting those wizard powers at 30

[–] WorldsDumbestMan@lemmy.today 5 points 12 hours ago

Same soon. It's just fate. I was AeroAce until recently to add to the funny, and panicked because I will cross a threshold, then changed my mind lol!

[–] Wizard_Pope@lemmy.world 16 points 18 hours ago (4 children)

Be careful to keept it then. My people are watching. If you lose your Virginity there go the powers.

[–] Default_Defect@midwest.social 5 points 11 hours ago (1 children)

I was 24 when a harlot stole my precious seed and robbed me of the promise of the mystic arts.

[–] Wizard_Pope@lemmy.world 2 points 5 hours ago

There are other ways of aquiring mystic arts and powers. The aforementioned is just the kost straightforward.

[–] TheGreenWizard@lemmy.zip 6 points 13 hours ago

The council watches with great interest.

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[–] mindbleach@sh.itjust.works 6 points 14 hours ago (1 children)

Aggravated I can't find that feminization pipeline image that's like 'gay, super gay, mega gay, ultra gay... straight.'

[–] Sivecano@lemmy.dbzer0.com 8 points 5 hours ago (1 children)
[–] ShinkanTrain@lemmy.ml 74 points 22 hours ago (2 children)

Fake: Anyone you meet on Discord is either a murderer or a fed.

Gay: Self-evident.

[–] prime_number_314159@lemmy.world 17 points 17 hours ago (3 children)

I mean... Nothing in this story implies femboy isn't a fed, and just really committed to the bit.

[–] GrumpyDuckling@sh.itjust.works 8 points 16 hours ago

Gotta get that dna sample somehow.

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[–] shadowedcross@sh.itjust.works 26 points 22 hours ago (5 children)

Can confirm, met several people from discord, am now dead.

[–] jabathekek@sopuli.xyz 5 points 12 hours ago

I hope you get better soon. Thoughts and prayers.

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[–] qyron@sopuli.xyz 112 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (7 children)

be 20 y/o permavirgin

I was 22 when I had my first time. Never considered myself a permavirgin.

Happy the poster found happiness for the following reasons:

a) he got laid

b) he's no longer a virgin

c) he found happiness

d) he found someone to love and that loves him back

e) there are two more people happy in the world

but, holy turtle on a skateboard, am I really happy for having one less doofus complaining of being alone.

Bring on the hate! I love you all!

[–] lurch@sh.itjust.works 1 points 5 hours ago* (last edited 5 hours ago) (1 children)

I was way younger and it was super cringe. It was also fun and hot, but looking back I shouldn't have tried to get laid so early and desperately. We were so stupid back then.

For example, one girl actually persuaded me into having unprotected sex, which I didn't want, but I wanted to get laid so desperatly that I agreed. She was using a calendar to track her period and fertile days and that was risky AF and didn't account for STDs as well. This is something you can maybe do as a long time couple, but not with a person you just met three days ago.

[–] qyron@sopuli.xyz 3 points 5 hours ago

Definetely not.

I was a blood doner when I met my partner. I was constantly asked/reminded that having casual sex partners would ban me for six months from donating; I have a fairly uncommon blood type for my country, so I was very keen on not being put on "quarantine".

When we said it was the right moment for us to be together, I went to make a donation before and warned I would not be donating for the nexy six months for obvious reasons.

I was thanked for the warning and about two weeks later received a full bloodwork panel, including STDs, attesting I was clean and as safe as possible.

When I did return for my next donation, when asked if had been with new sex partners for the last six months, when I replied I was still doing the same, since my last visit, everyone laughed.

Never pressure anyone into unprotected sex. Ever.

[–] uniquethrowagay@feddit.org 12 points 16 hours ago (3 children)

I was 29 years old when I met my first girlfriend and had my first sex and I regret nothing. I didn't really realize it at the time, but I wasn't at all ready at 20 years old.

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[–] AI_toothbrush@lemmy.zip 88 points 1 day ago (2 children)

Thank god they censored apeshit

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[–] peregrin5@lemm.ee 96 points 1 day ago

The solution to incels was femboy waifus all along.

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