Ask Lemmy

~~The United States of America~~

Kleptostan brought to you by Carl's Jr

The DraftKingsTM United States of Trump

North Mexico

The Golden Whored

No, he did not. But I thought it was funny to say he was an immigrant, and it doubled as bait for people to call out that he wasn't. Hook, line, sinker?

Welcome to Costco I love you.

Xico

Break up the union and pick the name of the most powerful government that existed within the bounds of every state before the land was occupied by any old-world government.

Turtle Island

Trade names with the Gulf and become the United States of Mexico.

Stolidus

• It sounds strong and powerful
• It's Latin, and therefore properly awesome.
• It's definition is: foolish, absurd, dumb, forceless, powerless

Whatever the Cherokee word for "stolen land" is.

Wendigo

It’s an Algonquin cryptid / monster with an insatiable hunger for human flesh and a love of murder. Generally greedy and evil. Also known to smell bad.

Honors our native heritage and says something about our beloved country’s strength of character.

Mountain Dew presents: Freedom Country - Brought to you by United Healthcare.

Given the religious fervor throughout its history, how about naming it after an ancient biblical region?

Transjordan?

Wait. Shit, that won't work, even Jordan's gone woke. Maybe something else in the region?

OH! How about Gilead!?

OK hear me out: It should be named after the first European explorer to discover it and popularize the European expansion: Christopher Columbus.

• Like its namesake, the nation too is racist, cruel and genocidal. Even the Spanish Inquisition era Catholics were like, damn Christopher!
• Like the largest exporter of cocaíne in South America, it too is full of drugs, and its elections are the plaything of big money cartels and foreign powers.
• It was mostly settled by white people from England.

Ladies and gentlemen, I give to you your new nation: British Columbia.

Listen. I know you said no wrong answers but unfortunately due to the past few decades of the American Political system, pretty much anything is now effectively accurate. Even such things as:

• The Divided States of America
• McMilitary Industrial Complex
• The Paycheck-to-Paycheck Republic
• Red vs Blue
• Gilded Ruins
• AmeriKKKa
• Walmartistan
• Gunlandia
• Yeehaw Reich
• Methlehem
• Debtlandia
• Live, Laugh, Lawsuit

United States of Lee (after General Robert Lee)

New motto

All For Me and None For Thee

Rename it to Mexico. Then the whole gulf of mexico situation is fixed.

Dumbfuckistan

Dumbfuckistan

Staties McStatyface

Dumbfuckistan

Serious answer: the Viking settlers named the land "Vinland" long before Columbus was even born. That name is of Germanic origin, same as the English language, and would be appropriate for settlers of Germanic origin (England, Germany, etc.)

Alternatively, a name in ~~the~~ a Native American language would be most appropriate given that they were the original inhabitants of the land.

The Adjacent States of Denial

South Canada

South Canada.

Idiocracy

Donald Trump’s Best, Biggest Country in the World, the Biggest, Juiciest Country there is, you know it, folks, No Illegals Allowed, No Fentanyl, All the Guns! And Covfefe!

Formally: Jeb!
Informally: Jebland
Dialectical variant of English: Jeblish
Collective name for the people of Jebland: Jebanese

I’m kidding of course. We all know the process to rename the U.S. would be taken over by the wealthy and we’d wind up named HCH (Human Capital Holdings), LLC, a shell corporation/nation that is jointly owned by Blackrock, Vanguard, and State Street.

The Land of the Flee while you still can

Hank D. Hamburgers Electric Freedom Gun-Republic

“Vinland” is what the Vikings who discovered the land named it. Not a bad name.

Were I to name it today I’d pick some foreign language version of “The Land of Pulling Up the Ladder” or “The Land of Crabs in a Bucket”.

North Mexico

The incorporated states of Northern America ltd.

Clown Country

The United States of Moronica

no offense to actual morons intended