this post was submitted on 28 Mar 2025
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Lemmy Shitpost

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Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.

Anything and everything goes. Memes, Jokes, Vents and Banter. Though we still have to comply with lemmy.world instance rules. So behave!


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[–] MECHAGODZILLA2@midwest.social 7 points 6 days ago

Just FYI if your package is “discrete” your delivery person is “discretely” laughing at you

[–] Elkot@lemmy.world 3 points 6 days ago

Your mom been on Amazon again?

[–] cryptix@discuss.tchncs.de 2 points 6 days ago

I think its a dick move.

[–] YoiksAndAway@lemmy.zip 147 points 1 week ago (6 children)

"Pull forward after fueling or get shot"?

[–] MBM@lemmings.world 2 points 6 days ago

... nobody came forward to say that the image is in fact photoshopped? It's part of the joke. It's from a facebook group that does these things.

[–] deegeese@sopuli.xyz 84 points 1 week ago (16 children)

Station owner sounds like a fake tough guy who cries about DEI.

[–] MBM@lemmings.world 2 points 6 days ago

Definitely a fake tough guy, but not in the way you meant. The whole image is fake.

[–] OutlierBlue@lemmy.ca 31 points 1 week ago

So a standard Trump supporter?

[–] ceenote@lemmy.world 9 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

Sure, he's like that on the surface, but I bet his station is willing to accept huge, suggestively shaped loads, if you know what I mean.

[–] fmstrat@lemmy.nowsci.com 4 points 1 week ago

Maybe, but not based on the sign. That's a standard trucker joke about waiting for pumps.

[–] DragonTypeWyvern@midwest.social 4 points 1 week ago (1 children)

I'm just imagining some trucker who didn't see the sign walking into the store to buy some snacks

[–] shalafi@lemmy.world 6 points 1 week ago (2 children)

It isn't the owner going to be doing the shooting. It's the guy stuck waiting behind an empty truck. That's the joke.

[–] DragonTypeWyvern@midwest.social 4 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago)

If you say so, and obviously that trucker couldn't shoot the guy walking out with snacks.

That's impossible.

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[–] False@lemmy.world 25 points 1 week ago

"Sorry, my cock is too big for that"

[–] shalafi@lemmy.world 23 points 1 week ago (5 children)

It's a joke about truckers that fuel and then fuck around while the guy behind them is fuming with impatience. LOL, I've been that guy.

"OH FFS MOVE!"

Besides, truckers are on more of a schedule than the rest of us tooling around.

[–] YoiksAndAway@lemmy.zip 9 points 1 week ago

Thank you! This makes the most sense. I was wondering what was wrong with "please pull forward when done fueling" without threatening violence. A common annoyance plus and inside joke makes a lot more sense.

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[–] ThePantser@sh.itjust.works 8 points 1 week ago

Guessing Texas

[–] Flocklesscrow@lemm.ee 4 points 1 week ago

Probably flu shot, maybe Covid booster?

[–] SpaceNoodle@lemmy.world 81 points 1 week ago (1 children)

No, they said discrete. Each mammoth dildo is individually wrapped.

[–] JasonDJ@lemmy.zip 21 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (1 children)

Ah, -screte/-screet. Motherfucker.

[–] Tylerdurdon@lemmy.world 67 points 1 week ago (2 children)

That's just the latest Bezos rocket under wraps. The final version will achieve perfect penis proportions for getting deep into space.

[–] cerement@slrpnk.net 23 points 1 week ago

assuming it doesn’t just blow its load all over the Caribbean

[–] tacofox@lemm.ee 15 points 1 week ago (2 children)

BREAKING: “Dr.Evil is suing Jeff Bezos for IP infringement. Dr.Evil gives statement on the matter. - “What’s next freaking lasers on freaking sharks!?”” More at 11pm.

[–] HK65@sopuli.xyz 6 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Jeff Bezos is just Dr. Evil without the education.

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[–] hakunawazo@lemmy.world 5 points 1 week ago

Dr. Evil demands compensation of

[–] robocall@lemmy.world 32 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Is it legal to shot someone after you post a sign?

[–] MeThisGuy@feddit.nl 9 points 1 week ago

yep, double tap recommended at a gas station

[–] Rentlar@lemmy.ca 28 points 1 week ago

That's contraband in the state of Texas.

[–] Dagwood222@lemm.ee 20 points 1 week ago (2 children)

LPT.

If you're using a toy that big, the neighbors and the police already know what's going on

Responding for a friend

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[–] elannasdad@lemmy.world 17 points 1 week ago

"It's a twenty-foot cock and balls man. It don't look like nothing else."

[–] jrwperformance@lemmy.world 14 points 1 week ago (2 children)

What is it actually? Is it some price of industrial equipment that just happens to look like a Johnson? Or is it part of a parade float or something?

[–] krashmo@lemmy.world 22 points 1 week ago (2 children)

What is that thing in the sky? It looks like a huge...

JOHNSON!

Yes sir?

[–] Nightweb@lemm.ee 4 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Get on the horn to British Intelligence and let them know about this

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[–] perviouslyiner@lemmy.world 7 points 1 week ago* (last edited 1 week ago) (1 children)

Maybe a planter? Something like this which folds out to this.

[–] flambonkscious@sh.itjust.works 9 points 1 week ago (1 children)

I appreciate the effort but i kinda hope that the satanic temple or someone is up to some epic trolling instead

[–] jaybone@lemmy.zip 6 points 1 week ago

I wonder if this is Nevada, where you see them transporting military equipment on trucks all the time. Like missiles and bombs. Wondering if someone got creative with the covering.

[–] SeeMarkFly@lemmy.ml 14 points 1 week ago (1 children)

It's the dildo of consequence heading for D.C. I hope it gets there soon.

[–] mondomon@lemmy.world 6 points 1 week ago (1 children)
[–] SeeMarkFly@lemmy.ml 6 points 1 week ago

The dildo of consequence ALWAYS arrives un-lubed.

[–] Diplomjodler3@lemmy.world 12 points 1 week ago (1 children)

I hope your mom is enjoying her new dildo.

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[–] eran_morad@lemmy.world 8 points 1 week ago

Maybe it’s Nicole’s.

Paging Dr. Evil.

[–] RizzoTheSmall@lemm.ee 7 points 1 week ago

Ma! MA!! Ma, yer mail's here!

[–] blandfordforever@lemm.ee 4 points 1 week ago

Seems like my package has been delayed in transit!

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