The first one I would think they were just kind of atypical at writing, like: "congrats," I said. As if they were writing a story.

The "your" is the most harsh, haha.

The third one can be inferred as "I didn't say the words" as I inferred it.

Will no one rid me of this turbulent priest?

The said thing can also mean you heavily implied it, but never said it. Alex Jones relies on that a lot, saying he never encourages offensive violence, then goes on diatribes about how you're already under attack and they're coming to kill you now and yes God should be the one to kill them bur also God uses men as instruments of his will so maybe if you feel like you're an instrument of God's will you're probably right.

Also the version I learned was:

"I never said he stole my money."

In this version every one of them gives the idea that the accusation of stolen or somehow maligned property occurred, except in the case of never. That one is just straight up denying most of it.

I got stuck on "should", this helped.

Hope you didn't do it in public?

I didn't not read them all aloud.

Yes

Show someone 100 years ago that this is something someone wrote with full seriousness, and that it's grammatically correct. I wonder what they would think of us and our state of language.

How much is the prize of this slot combination?

i read bomb as bong and had a double take

It's impossible not to.