this post was submitted on 10 May 2025
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Lemmy Shitpost

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[–] Formfiller@lemmy.world 1 points 31 minutes ago
[–] JayJay@lemmy.world 3 points 42 minutes ago

I would upgrade my brain to be able to consciously control all the little automatic stuff. Tell my brain to up the metabolic rate when I want to burn more fat, increase heart rate when exercising, basically to be able to consciously control all functions of my body at will.

[–] callyral@pawb.social 5 points 9 hours ago

Upgrade my eyes so I can sense different wavelengths of light at will. I would also make them very resistant to blindness.

[–] umbraroze@lemmy.world 2 points 10 hours ago* (last edited 10 hours ago)

He he he

[Cyberpunk 2077 music]

/meme

[–] RangerJosey@lemmy.ml 2 points 10 hours ago

I was born flatfooted. I'd make my feet and legs normal.

[–] BlueMagma@sh.itjust.works 19 points 18 hours ago (2 children)

Infinite wishes situation : upgrade your brain such that you are sufficiently smart to bio-engineer all the other organs.

[–] mechoman444@lemmy.world 13 points 14 hours ago

Or! OR! Downgrade your brain so you're just dumb enough to feel constant happiness.

[–] moseschrute@lemmy.ml 4 points 15 hours ago (2 children)

Does happiness increase or decrease with intelligence? What if your brain upgrade becomes an emotional downgrade?

[–] Huschke@lemmy.world 4 points 15 hours ago

You could always downgrade your brain again after you're done.

[–] trxxruraxvr@lemmy.world 4 points 15 hours ago (1 children)

Does happiness increase or decrease with intelligence?

Is there even a correlation?

[–] moseschrute@lemmy.ml 4 points 15 hours ago (1 children)

Looked it up. Seems there happiness does not decrease with intelligence. I would have assumed the more intelligence you have the more capacity to understand and worry about problems you would have.

[–] trxxruraxvr@lemmy.world 3 points 12 hours ago* (last edited 12 hours ago)

Yea, but happiness is a weird thing. After live changing events, both positive and negative happiness is impacted for a while, but after a couple of months most people gravitate back to their default happiness level.

[–] daggermoon@lemmy.world 7 points 20 hours ago (3 children)

As an audiophile, probably my ears. I wanna be able to hear over 19khz.

[–] BlueMagma@sh.itjust.works 7 points 18 hours ago

Ok but it needs to be an 'activable' skill, if it's always on it could be a nightmare with all kinds of background noises continuously ringing in your ear.

[–] Uebercomplicated@lemmy.ml 7 points 18 hours ago

Yep, super hearing for me too please. Imagine actually being able to appreciate 192khz recordings... damn. Actually, I don't even think my HD600s go that high

[–] bampop@lemmy.world 7 points 20 hours ago* (last edited 20 hours ago) (1 children)

I can hear slightly higher frequencies than most, or at least I used to be able to. Back when TVs used cathode ray tubes I'd have problems with the small portable TVs because they would emit an annoying high pitched tone. Even high pitched tones unintentionally mixed into records. The world is designed for people with typical senses.

[–] hex@programming.dev 1 points 1 hour ago

My buddy has a CRT. It makes a very high pitched noise, close to 18900hz. But it's not above what most people can hear, most humans can hear up to 20,000hz. Over time this decreases of course. But every time I go to this guy's house I can hear the CRT going, so loud, so annoying.

[–] gimsy@feddit.it 7 points 23 hours ago (1 children)

One of:

  • eyes to see a wider spectrum of light (infrared to gamma-ray)
  • ears to increase sensitivity or reduce it close to 0 a will
  • nose to smell all dangerous stuff that is odourless (carbon monoxide f.e.)
  • muscles not to lose training after a few days (I am not sure that wouldn't fuck up methabolism)
  • have an organ to catch radiowaves (while being capable to switch it off)
  • brown fat cells to never feel cold (with added super bonus that they also kill cancer by starving it)
  • liver to remove toxins without being easily damaged

The choice is difficult :)

[–] flying_sheep@lemmy.ml 5 points 20 hours ago (1 children)

Brown fat cells would also make you burn more calories doing nothing

[–] trxxruraxvr@lemmy.world 2 points 15 hours ago

If you're in a first world country and making a decent salary that just becomes a lower chance of obesity and diabetes

[–] guy@piefed.social 12 points 1 day ago (2 children)

Brain is a no-brainer. It's okay as it is, but having an optimal one sounds terrific

[–] Zentron@lemm.ee 3 points 18 hours ago

Id like to switch my autism on and off

[–] wabafee@lemmy.world 4 points 22 hours ago (2 children)

Would it still be you after the upgrade?

[–] callyral@pawb.social 2 points 9 hours ago

if i were smarter, i'd be able to answer that

[–] guy@piefed.social 3 points 15 hours ago

Without the upgrade I don't know. My knowledge of what constitutes my personality visavi my intelligence and such is too lacking, but I guess I would change

Transgender Men have joined the chat

[–] Canonical_Warlock@lemmy.dbzer0.com 35 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Definitely my spine. There's a reason basically anyone who has worked in the trades for a while has a fucked up back. It would be nice to avoid my impending back problems.

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[–] spudsrus@aussie.zone 7 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Tough call...

Do you pick the one that will probably kill you or the one making quality of life kinda shit.

Awkward when fixing the organ doesn't fix the problems with it

(•_•)

[–] SynopsisTantilize@lemm.ee 5 points 1 day ago

Idk cause making my pp bigger in my mind fixes all of my problems.

[–] Cryophilia@lemmy.world 24 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Can we pick the nature of the upgrade? I want to pee champagne

[–] kingpepe8006@sh.itjust.works 31 points 1 day ago (1 children)
[–] Cryophilia@lemmy.world 17 points 1 day ago (1 children)
[–] Fillicia@sh.itjust.works 17 points 1 day ago (1 children)

And you can only pee in the champagne region of France.

[–] memberberries@sopuli.xyz 19 points 1 day ago

Otherwise it’s only called sparkling piss.

[–] son_named_bort@lemmy.world 16 points 1 day ago

I'd upgrade my balls so that they aren't vulnerable when being attacked. That way I can steal Bobby Hill's purse and get away with it.

[–] Evotech@lemmy.world 21 points 1 day ago (2 children)

Probably brain, responsetime

Who am I kidding, it’s gonna be vibrating dick

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[–] untakenusername@sh.itjust.works 33 points 1 day ago (1 children)

better brain

with that I can make more money and with that I can just buy new organs

[–] Canonical_Warlock@lemmy.dbzer0.com 25 points 1 day ago (8 children)

Congrats. You now feel anxiety twice as intensely.

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[–] UnderpantsWeevil@lemmy.world 16 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (7 children)

All y'all are picking dick.

But the correct answer is the balls. Need something more durable and with a faster reload time.

balls

Instructions Unclear, accidentally became leader of Ukraine.

[–] 13igTyme@lemmy.world 12 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

Then you want to upgrade your prostate, not balls.

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[–] PeriodicallyPedantic@lemmy.ca 5 points 1 day ago (2 children)

I'd upgrade my ass so that I didn't need to shit, it just like teleported the poop somewhere

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[–] HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 2 points 23 hours ago (2 children)

Upgrade my butt. Poot existential dread instead of regular feces.

[–] bampop@lemmy.world 2 points 15 hours ago* (last edited 15 hours ago)

I used to think that if I could have a superpower I'd like to be able to take a big rancid shit at will, but open up a portal so it would arrive in the pants of a person of my choosing. But these days, what's the point? Most world leaders could be absolutely destroyed by a well timed beer dump, but Trump probably wouldn't even notice it wasn't his.

[–] FurryMemesAccount@lemmy.blahaj.zone 3 points 18 hours ago (1 children)

It definitely didn't end the way I expected

[–] HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 1 points 10 hours ago

Neither did i

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