The barrel was probably mistaken for Nuclear Bloom
this post was submitted on 20 Jun 2025
211 points (99.5% liked)
Not The Onion
16849 readers
1519 users here now
Welcome
We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!
The Rules
Posts must be:
- Links to news stories from...
- ...credible sources, with...
- ...their original headlines, that...
- ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”
Please also avoid duplicates.
Comments and post content must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.
And that’s basically it!
founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
"Quick, spit it into this thermos!"
One man's cum is another man's income
How do you fence 30k of cow spunk?
I don't know, but once I was flying business class and the guy next to me had a liquid-nitrogen flask full of prize-winning brahma bull spooge. According to the guy, couriers like that are well-compensated. Made my work seem meaningful in comparison.
Do they plan to make Red Bull?
Prost Mahlzeit!
Image the culprits, suspected to be fuck-goofs
Why is that guy red
He's shy.
He's a twiggy alien that's severely allergic to dogs
Did no one see this coming?
My milkshake brings all the bulls to the yard
30 thousand euros worth? Where are they sold?
There are online marketplaces for it.
It's for personal use.
These guys were THIRSTY!
If only there was a vegan alternative.
you may not have any of my flower semen.
edit: no that's mean take a teensy piece
Veganism implies consent.
Do I need to spell it out for you how to get a load in a vegan way or can you figure it out?
Kinda looks like milk, so maybe they were thirsty?
Taking a bath in style
Other farms for insemination, my guess. I'd imagine they're for specific breeds.
The pedigrees of steers is a world unto itself. I've heard stories of people who were in the business getting wined and dined by governments. Bizarre but pretty interesting.
Is nothing sacred?
How much volume is 30k of bull spunk? I'm thinking it must be at least a bucket full.
The official unit is bull-kkake.
Yes, about one ejaculate.
Creamy and delicious
Why there are no movies about sperm bank robberies?
There is Brassic episode about stealing bull sperm (although from a farm, not a bank).
I think it's S3e01
Probably because the actual plot would be nowhere near exciting enough to compensate for the draconian restrictions enforced by ratings agencies for daring to mention human reproduction 🤷
Wasn't that one plot point of Man of Steel?
New Jackass Episode???
Finally, bull milk!
What are you going to do with it @instantnudel@feddit.org?
Why me 😭
Well it's a little obvious don't you think? Who else would be able to handle this absurd amount of semen? Also what would an average person do with it? Exactly. Only a person that craves the seed like we crave for oxygen would do it. Somebody that literally breaths fresh life (because of semen)
Do you have any reason (or alibi) why it should not be you?