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Milking machine
(i.imgflip.com)
Too embarrassed to crank one at the hospital, but not too embarrassed to have a machine suck you off while you stand at the row of machines with all the other donors. Urinal etiquette does apply, btw! Don't be That Guy who goes straight for the middle BJ Bot!
If they configure them face to face, they could probably build one machine that jerks off two donors at the same time, on the upstroke and downstroke.
We'd have to account for their height, wouldn't we?
Height’s irrelevant. You need to measure the dick to floor ratio.
Well, it's just a compression algorithm, we can apply that
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What's the matter? The machine will cover your junk. Plus you can high five your buds after you finish together.
I’d hope they’d at least be in stalls so that I can only see the feet of the dudes getting sucked off on either side of me.
We'll you can hold hands with buddy on next machine. Helps to make itess stressful
That's disgusting. Where would you even buy a horrible machine like that, and how much would that terrible thing cost with shipping?
Search "banana cleaner" on Amazon
I’m sorry Dave, I can’t let you not cum
Ransomware: pay 5BTC or I'll bite your dick off
My ex used to help everyone out like this too.
How kind of her
They shared with everyone so much there was nothing left for me.
When you nut but the milking machine keeps milking
Keeping these things sanitary must be a nightmare
Is there a version that talks back to you? "Give me your sperm baby".
Hopefully it has customisable options - different voices, a setting to throw insults at you while it extracts the baby batter, and a FF victory jingle once you've nutted.
A team of people had to design this
Once installed, a new team of people would have to maintain it. Mechanics with biotech engineering degrees. Cleaning technicians with advanced degrees in medicine, robotics, and hygiene. Eventually an aftermarket for used jizzbots would form, resulting in cum-puter resellers and replacement part manufacturers. Unlicensed spunkdroid hotrodders overclocking their barely legal Frankenstein fuck factories for orgasms previously inconceivable to the human mind. Soon we'll all be slaves to the perpetual pussy motion machine, our minds melting into one... unnnnnngggggg... wow, that was a lot to type one-handed, where am I, what's happening? (jk but this stupid gag really got away from me!)
New Lemmypasta?
Round after round of tests and revisions, too. Who tested the alpha version? What were the issues? I’d love to see those notes.
What if I need prostate stimulation?
HAL 9000: "Best I can do is slap your testicles, Dave."
Ask buddy to help
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Where can i get one? For research purposes of course…
Just Google autoblow. You might have to add a stool or something.
Just went to their website and that shit looks like a parody of itself.
But for $220...
Guys, does girth similarity affect the machine's ability to jerk off different donors?
Someone get the whiteboard...
Everything reminds me of her.
If I seem a little out of it, sorry.
We need someone to replace their door handle with this
See you stick your utter in the machine and it just pumps the milk right into the container, ready to be processed.
Send location
if we had these i would donate twice a day.
So what's the machine version of eskimo brothers?
Hook one of these up to a Sybian and let the machines fuck one another. Metaphors abound
So much money spent on these machines when they could just hire an on-site hooker
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this post was submitted on 28 Dec 2023
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