1033
submitted 5 months ago by Nero@sopuli.xyz to c/theonion@midwest.social
all 43 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[-] hakase@lemm.ee 118 points 5 months ago

They need to hurry up and tow that windmill outside of the environment.

[-] ImplyingImplications@lemmy.ca 33 points 5 months ago

That's it. From now on no more making turbines out of cardboard.

[-] Plopp@lemmy.world 26 points 5 months ago

How about cardboard derivatives?

[-] kibiz0r@midwest.social 19 points 5 months ago

Cardboard derivative operations are extremely dangerous. They increase the risk of wind spills by 2008%.

Search “CDOs 2008 disaster” for more info.

[-] msage@programming.dev 2 points 5 months ago

How in the hell did you get this much genious into one comment?

[-] MehBlah@lemmy.world 5 points 5 months ago
[-] Plopp@lemmy.world 9 points 5 months ago

That's a great idea. We can just funnel the wind through the straws straight to the equipment that needs power.

[-] thisbenzingring@lemmy.sdf.org 12 points 5 months ago

A SERIES Of TUBES!

[-] Senseless@feddit.de 10 points 5 months ago

But where would they tow that windmill to, if it's not in the environment?

[-] friendly_ghost@beehaw.org 17 points 5 months ago

It"s not in the environment, it's beyond the environment

[-] hakase@lemm.ee 8 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago)

But there's got to be something out there!?

[-] Tja@programming.dev 7 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago)

There's nothing out there! Just sea, and fish. And the part of the ~~ship~~ windmill where the front fell off. And a fire.

[-] NegativeLookBehind@lemmy.world 64 points 5 months ago

I’d feel so much better if that field was covered in oil and set on fire. America has lost its values.

[-] ExpiredSalad@lemmy.world 4 points 5 months ago

A little extreme but I get it

[-] TokenBoomer@lemmy.world 57 points 5 months ago

This has happened before and they did nothing about it. It will happen again. When are people gonna realize these things are not our friends?

[-] tsonfeir@lemmy.world 43 points 5 months ago

THINK OF THE CHILDREN!!!

[-] UnrepententProcrastinator@lemmy.ca 31 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago)

Can't they just spin it backwards to get the wind back in the wind turbine?

[-] cRazi_man@lemm.ee 4 points 5 months ago

That will just leak wind upwards instead of downwards.

[-] Tronn4@lemmy.world 29 points 5 months ago

Someone take an assload of Dawn Liquid Soap and let's scrub all the wildlife clean!

[-] thefartographer@lemm.ee 12 points 5 months ago

I was there and got some of the wind on me. Most of it is in my butt crack. Chop chop, get scrubbing.

[-] Tronn4@lemmy.world 6 points 5 months ago

You're first... smacks lips

[-] thefartographer@lemm.ee 4 points 5 months ago

You know what they say: first is the worst, but second is the best. Your turn! applies minty lip balm

[-] chatokun@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago)

It's nature's pocket. Also make sure Tronn4 doesn't pick your pocket.

[-] thefartographer@lemm.ee 2 points 5 months ago

Eh, he's earned the 3 Werther's Originals I carry in my pocket

[-] Today@lemmy.world 8 points 5 months ago

We have to save the duckies!

[-] Jolteon@lemmy.zip 29 points 5 months ago

Imagine an alternate world where this was real. Where using too much solar power caused the earth to cool, and wind spills were a real issue that everybody feared, but oil was a truly renewable resource given to us by mother Earth herself.

People would tout the virtues of solar panels, saying that there's no evidence they actually make the Earth colder, secretly scheming for their free power. More and more wind turbines would be built, slowly reducing the winds of the Earth, except for periodic wind spills flattening Farmers Fields.

Hydroelectric dams would be built, but the level of the world's oceans would slowly drop, causing cities on the coast to no longer be on the coast after a couple centuries.

Honestly, I would absolutely read this story/watch this movie.

[-] JovialMicrobial@lemm.ee 11 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago)

Something similar actually happened with the crude oil industry.

Crude oil was discovered in 1859 and started being used in the form of kerosene for lamps. It put the whale oil industry out business. At the time it was considered this great new thing since whales were being hunted to near extinction and whale hunts were becoming increasingly expensive to do. Crude oil was that eras "environmentally friendly" alternative, though I dont think they thought about it that way. It was more convenience/availability than anything else.

Then crude oil became the environmental hazard with all the oil spills and many other problems it's causing/contributing to.

I guess my point is if you or anyone else wanted to write up your synopsis as a full story they could research how kerosene put the whale oil industry out of business, the marketing they used and the social/economic impacts it had at the time.

[-] asdfasdfasdf@lemmy.world 1 points 5 months ago
[-] jol@discuss.tchncs.de 0 points 5 months ago

Oil would be this amazing renewable resource. All we had to do was dump our waste in the mariana trench and within a few years, it would spring up everywhere as oil.

[-] bestusername@aussie.zone 16 points 5 months ago
[-] AngryCommieKender@lemmy.world 1 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago)

Is she crying or did Morbo give her a black eye?

NM. Zooming in I can see the streaks

[-] bestusername@aussie.zone 2 points 5 months ago

It's makeup running because of sweat.

[-] Sam_Bass@lemmy.world 9 points 5 months ago

Wholly believable

[-] CouncilOfFriends@slrpnk.net 7 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago)

Here's just one example, the government reversed the video of this tornado which clearly spilled out of a collapsing wind machine. Joking, but I would wager someone believes that.

[-] isVeryLoud@lemmy.ca 4 points 5 months ago

Ok that's a good one.

[-] Snapz@lemmy.world 4 points 5 months ago

That water is gonna STAIN!

[-] moody@lemmings.world 3 points 5 months ago
[-] Treczoks@lemmy.world 2 points 5 months ago

The only tragedy here is that there are people bumb enough to believe this.

[-] ColdWater@lemmy.ca 2 points 5 months ago* (last edited 5 months ago)

So you don't believe wind spill all over the farmer's field?

[-] MehBlah@lemmy.world 2 points 5 months ago

I know right? Those bumb people.

this post was submitted on 03 Jun 2024
1033 points (99.3% liked)

The Onion

4413 readers
638 users here now

The Onion

A place to share and discuss stories from The Onion, Clickhole, and other satire.

Great Satire Writing:

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS