145

submitted 3 months ago by can@sh.itjust.works to c/theonion@midwest.social

5 comments fedilink hide all child comments

all 6 comments

sorted by: hot top controversial new old

[-] CorneliusTalmadge@lemmy.world 58 points 3 months ago

Do a flip!

[-] Repelle@lemmy.world 27 points 3 months ago

Please, old friend, don't jump! Use another method that won't damage your liver. Other people need it, you know.

[-] kamenlady@lemmy.world 31 points 3 months ago

At press time, reports confirmed firefighters had arrived to carry the man to the top floor.

He was lucky to have such good people supporting him to succeed.

[-] can@sh.itjust.works 10 points 3 months ago

I can only hope I'll be so lucky.

[-] PythagreousTitties@lemm.ee 26 points 3 months ago

"The people who love you want you dead, not injured!”.

That's... Actually a very valid concern.

this post was submitted on 26 Jul 2024

145 points (93.9% liked)

The Onion

4408 readers

132 users here now

A place to share and discuss stories from The Onion, Clickhole, and other satire.

Great Satire Writing:

founded 2 years ago

MODERATORS