The Onion

4429 readers

1680 users here now

The Onion

A place to share and discuss stories from The Onion, Clickhole, and other satire.

Great Satire Writing:

founded 2 years ago

MODERATORS

seahorse@midwest.social

pbrisgreat@midwest.social

160

RFK Jr. Reminds Voters He Also Keeps a Monkey With a Handgun on His Nightstand For Self Defense If They Wanna Hear About That (thehardtimes.net)

submitted 3 months ago by DxK@lemmy.world to c/theonion@midwest.social

11 comments fedilink hide all child comments

top 11 comments

sorted by: hot top controversial new old

[–] soloner@lemmy.world 10 points 3 months ago (1 children)

I heard his story about dumping the bear corpse and holy shit... I cannot stand his voice. It's just irritating to listen to him talk about anything. Had no idea he sounded like that lol

[–] TheLowestStone@lemmy.world 11 points 3 months ago (1 children)

His voice is the result of a medical condition called spasmodic dysphonia.

[–] soloner@lemmy.world 5 points 3 months ago

Damn that sucks....

[–] NegativeInf@lemmy.world 8 points 3 months ago (2 children)

I'm gonna need to see that monkey's gun license pls.

[–] dogsnest@lemmy.world 10 points 3 months ago (1 children)

The monkey has a right bare arm.

[–] WHYAREWEALLCAPS@fedia.io 7 points 3 months ago (1 children)

Does he have a left bear arm?

[–] Wytch@lemmy.zip 5 points 3 months ago (1 children)

No unfortunately he has the right two bear arms

[–] Drunemeton@lemmy.world 3 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago)

~Awkward clapping~

[–] seahorse@midwest.social 2 points 3 months ago (1 children)

That monkey has a right to defend itself (and RFK Jr.) if someone breaks into their house to steal their bananas.

[–] EleventhHour@lemmy.world 5 points 3 months ago

RFK, Jr. is bananas enough for everyone.

[–] solomon42069@lemmy.world 5 points 3 months ago* (last edited 3 months ago)

It took me going to that site to realise this was satire. I just figured for RFK JNR this headline made perfect sense.