“The divine athleticism of our Dear Leader has shocked the war mongering West, who reek of gun powder and Gatorade, and brought honor and glory to the people of True Korea,” said Kim Il-guk, President of the DPRK’s Olympic Committee and Concentration Camp Manager for Families of Losing Athletes. “I saw it with my own eyes.”

He then went into great detail about how, despite a torrential downpour and bolts of “heavenly lightning that cowed everyone else,” the North Korean leader executed flawless, gazelle-like leaps during the 110- and 400-meter hurdles.

Trump won two championship tournaments at the golf resort he owns. The only featured picture has him being handed the "most improved player" award, but he totally won the whole thing.

https://golfweek.usatoday.com/2024/03/27/donald-trump-claims-two-more-golf-championships-trump-international-west-palm-beach/

*Side note, caddies called him Pele because he kicked his ball so often

You assholes. You stole that story from Radio Free Asia who were going to report on it tomorrow and post it to !nottheonion@lemmy.world.

Thank you, Luke