You're gonna have to be more explicit. Do you mean you can't orgasm?
I can't talk for everyone, but for me I just had to find a different way to get the deed done. Maybe a vibrator would help?
this post was submitted on 21 Sep 2024
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Transfem
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We guess we mean that, though we don't know if we ever have experienced one really so difficult to say. When this body was mostly T based it wasn't ever any good either, just a temporary reprieve, it wasn't ever satisfying.
We could try, we suppose, but we don't think so, there's some component missing from doing things to this body and we aren't sure what it is, even with toys we suspect.
We'll go have a look if there's anything good online to purchase, but we don't think physical sensations are going to be enough alone.
Mostly we just want to know if any other folks have or are experiencing this. We feel very alone in this and it seems it isn't talked about anywhere.
I think I may understand a bit. For me, masturbation was really just a quick dopamine hit as a coping mechanism for ADHD. It was never really satisfying, like I'd have a quick jerk and then go about my day as usual. I haven't physically transitioned, but I discovered anal toys and they kind of blew my mind. It felt so much more right to me, instead of having a bit of pleasure that was fast to come and fast to go, this was... More intense, more lasting. I still haven't cum from anal alone, but honestly it's better than cumming to me. I still cum to finish a session, but it's the desert after the meal. After a good session, the high lasts for a while, and I just snuggle with stuffed animals on the couch and watch a comfy show. It's an event, rather than a fleeting moment.
Feel free to ask anything, I'm an oversharer by nature nowadays, I won't be embarrassed. I can also help with getting into butt toying if that's something anyone reading wants help with. Getting started on my own was a bit rough so I'm always looking to save someone the time and effort of figuring stuff out.
Ah, as far as we know we don't have ADHD, 'just' autism. Yeah, that seems like a likely outcome and way of coping with lower dopamine levels and we are glad it works for you.
We don't think toys etc alone would work, because at least one of us, we suspect all of us are demisexual and so having satisfying stuff is more about emotional connection and long slow sessions, it's what we've always wanted, we think and most we've come across are not like that as far as we know. We also have no idea how to do that with ourselves and as we've grown into ourselves and been more honest we've learned that most images, videos and stories out there don't really work for us, most it does is make us want to do things with others, since we don't really know how to with ourselves and maybe based on our sexuality it isn't possible, or at least not easy.
We appreciate that, if we think of anything we'll let you know.
To a degree yes, doing e and spiro, and yeah, relief is hard to come by so far.
Thank you for sharing, we greatly appreciate it.
You don't have to answer but if you'd like to, does the lack of relief mean you're always constantly horny too or is that just an us thing?
Yeah I’d say there is a baseline hum of arousal, and it doesn’t take much for me to want more. I don’t know if that describes what you are feeling
How does it compare to pre-HRT?
We're kind of an odd case, maybe? We aren't sure but we didn't really enjoy sex or masturbation before HRT either, partially due to demisexuality, partially due to expectations and gender roles, partially because we didn't really know what we liked and to some degree we still don't. We also either never had orgasms or considered them pretty bad: "this is it?!"
We are less and less interested in 'content': porn, erotica etc (though whether we ever really were interested or not is debatable). Our fantasies have shifted though whether this is because we're interested in softer things now or what we've always wanted and only now admitted it to ourselves, we aren't sure.
We cried from being unable to do anything about it the other week and how much connection we need before we could even consider doing something so intimate with someone else, so there's probably also some emotional effects from hormones going on.
We also get anxiety and dysphoria from wanting things but not being able to get them met and from having the genitals we have, but they were probably both there to some degree before HRT too, might be stronger now, we don't know.
However, if you just mean the physical effects well, we don't ejaculate any more (at least not when doing things to ourselves, or perhaps from physical touch alone), we get hot sometimes when we 'finish' though 'finishing' is hard to reach most of the time. We didn't really experience random erections much before HRT and definitely don't now, so yeah. We don't really know what an orgasm would be like or if we'll ever get there but we might one day, if not well, either we'll have to shift what we want or just somehow be okay with never having them again or accept they were and always will be shit.
Anything else you'd like to know?
Well, your OP was about how resolvable your libido is now on HRT, but you didn't really talk much about how resolvable it was before or what you think accounts for the difference.
Reading between the lines, it sounds like there are many barriers in place that complicate sex for you, and maybe as you have transitioned there has been a shifting nature to the libido that makes it harder to satisfy.
Where before maybe libido was more visual, impulsive, and dissociated from the rest of you and your needs, maybe the HRT has shifted the nature of the libido, from mere craving for sex in isolation to something more like desire for intimacy with all the emotional needs associated with it.
This shift in desire might lead to increased feelings of loneliness, and increased desire for a sexual partner more than pre-HRT. That shifting desire might then create much more distress because of how inaccessible the fulfillment of those needs feels to you, not just because of bodily dysphoria and the inability to embody the kind of sexual person you would want to be with someone else, but also because the libido is now more connected to you and your feelings than the were pre-HRT, so maybe it's harder to be as indifferent or detached.
This is all highly speculative, though - I don't really know you, I'm just trying to make sense of what you have told me.
We appreciate such a detailed reply.
We will respond more fully soon.