this post was submitted on 03 Oct 2024
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The Onion

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[–] andrew_s@piefed.social 57 points 1 month ago (1 children)

It's an obscure skill, but once you've learned how to quickly sex doughnuts, there's money to be made from it.

[–] Volkditty@lemmy.world 88 points 1 month ago (2 children)

I go as quick as I can, but I have to stop for a cigarette between each batch.

[–] Riven@lemmy.dbzer0.com 11 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Lul this fucking guy.

You're great.

[–] DeanFogg@lemm.ee 5 points 1 month ago

Man's got a helluvalotta creme and do I dare say? The FLAVOR

[–] M1nds3nd@lemmy.ca 1 points 1 month ago

Doing the Lord's work.

[–] usernamesAreTricky@lemmy.ml 30 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (2 children)
[–] PrincessLeiasCat@sh.itjust.works 10 points 1 month ago

Holy fuck I did not need to know this was a thing :(

I wonder how much they make from the chick mash or where it goes. Probably feed or fertilizer if some kind or is it full on waste? It's hard to find answers on mobile...

https://www.vox.com/future-perfect/2023/5/1/23700952/egg-industry-male-chick-culling-animal-welfare

[–] Stabbi@midwest.social 27 points 1 month ago (2 children)

This is why I only eat vegan female doughnuts. I'm ok with misogyny, but I draw the line at animal cruelty

[–] PrincessLeiasCat@sh.itjust.works 4 points 1 month ago (1 children)

Hitler would approve of this viewpoint.

[–] Stabbi@midwest.social 3 points 1 month ago (1 children)

This comment led me down a weird ass rabbit hole.

So I was curious about the whole vegetarian thing, and all I could find were articles from far-right news outlets. So, I hit up the local university library. From what I saw, the vegetarian claims come from a few places starting in 1937 with a new york times article, except I couldn't find the original article and am waiting on a request for it from a microfiche archive. Apart from that, it is supposedly mentioned in the transcriptions of Hitler's table talks, which is technically a primary source, but it is Nazi propaganda. The only record I found there is from one particular translation of the records. Except that specific translation is highly controversial and has been accused of ammending the record. Additionally, the original transcription was also controversial for the alleged amendments made in transcription. The original documents are under lock and key.

But none of that confirms or denies anything. So, I looked at the secondary sources and interviews with associates. Except these interviews all said that while he self identified as vegetarian, he would regularly consume various kinds of meats (average vegetarian). Additionally, most of these records are from around the same time 20 years after his death.

So I checked the forensic records. Except these are also dubious. They were authorized in 2017 by the FSS (formerly KGB) and the results were that the teeth were likely from someone who did not eat meat, but that contradicts earlier sources who said that even when he was only eating clear liquids and mashed potatoes near his death he was still, allegedly, given bone broth against his will.

So basically... Can't confirm or deny shit. He likely identified as vegetarian, but like most pussmouths didn't give two shits about animals and ate them anyway.

I mean, the other takeaway would be that far right orgs push anti vegan rhetoric to solidify heirarchy as a natural state of humanity, but that isn't new information.

[–] PrincessLeiasCat@sh.itjust.works 1 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

Wow, this is impressive research! Thank you for taking the time to be so thorough.

I was also referencing the Nazis being big on animal welfare overall and passing laws against animal cruelty.

It’s always been ironic to me that they passed laws banning cruelty to animals, but went out of their way to find more efficient ways of murdering large groups of people. I guess it shouldn’t.

Apologies for the Wikipedia link, but the fact that some of the laws in place today in Germany came from the Nazis is so weird imo.

The current animal welfare laws in Germany were initially introduced by the Nazis.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Animal_welfare_in_Nazi_Germany

[–] Stabbi@midwest.social 2 points 1 month ago

It's actually an interesting phenomenon. Fascists regimes will commonly do things that appear altruistic at first glance but hide deeper cruelty. Many fascist regimes will run things like food banks, homeless shelters, free clinics. But when you look into them you see things like forcing anyone using a shelter to throw away things they need to live, food banks only giving food to those who participate in "rehabilitation" programs that are really just labor for the org, or free clinics that sterilize those deemed "undesirable."

A good example of this is the LDS church, or Mormons. Utah had one of the most successful homeless rehabilitation programs in North America. It was a housing first model where you simply give people shelter, food, and even cash and just trust them. And it worked! This model is now used across the globe and is the most successful method of aiding the homeless. But the LDS church came along and said, "Out of the goodness of our hearts, we will run this program." And while they did fund it, they returned it to a traditional program that doesn't help anyone. But what it did do was usher a lot of impoverished people into joining the church to get access to things like the Bishops Storehouse or Church family services which act like the more successful model, but only for tithe paying members at the discretion of bishops (like a local priest)

If you want, I can Pull some articles for this for you, but I have a killer migraine atm.

[–] Screamium@lemmy.world 20 points 1 month ago

Back on the farm grandma used to put all the male donut holes in a cheese cloth and drown them in icing. Industrial donuting really lacks the care and compassion of family 'nuting

[–] Coasting0942@reddthat.com 16 points 1 month ago

Capitalism ruins everything. Who doesn’t love male donuts?🍩

[–] m4xie@lemmy.blahaj.zone 14 points 1 month ago

Shit like this is why I choose an all meat diet.

[–] Lost_My_Mind@lemmy.world 8 points 1 month ago

FINALLY an Onion headline that makes me laugh, rather than question reality!

[–] IsThisAnAI@lemmy.world 4 points 1 month ago

I read the title like 6 times before I checked the source. What a title.

[–] DragonTypeWyvern@midwest.social 4 points 1 month ago

I like how this brings attention to the capitalist horror that is Dunkin not making donuts on site.

Monsters.