Because I'd look like this:

Fat

Because I'm fat and ugly. I don't want to see it and trust me you don't want to see it either.

I remember something about them being hunted to extinction

Understanding dryer settings.

I just realized that the examples in the meme leave out an important part of the ensemble: calf-high white tube socks with multicolor bands at the top.

If you're gonna rock it, rock it all the way.

Personal dignity?

I don't have a younger sister I have to share clothes with.

Aside from my slab o'flab making people wish my top had not been cropped, those daddy dukes look like junk-crunchers.

Girl, step into any sports themed gay bar. We are still dressing like this.

We grew up watching those dudes get butchered in increasingly-grotesque ways by a diverse conglomeration of psychotic murderers and animals, both natural and supernatural.

I'm good with my plain black t-shirt that's long enough to serve as a dress because I'm fat and need uberlength shirts to make it over the curvature of my Moo Deng pregnancy and still have enough fabric left over to not leave me looking like I'm wearing a cummerbund made from pale hairy human skin.

Fat guy dress > being split vertically, starting at the willy, by an industrial saw because I unknowingly spent a summer afternoon in a swimming hole that once hosted a cruel gang of teenagers who pretended to befriend a lonely man with a deformity and subsequently caused him to drown in it by shoving him off the rocks into the water even though they knew he couldn't swim.

The shape of my body.

Beer belly

I don’t want to disappoint gay guys.

Gents, this is not for you; it’s for her. 🙂

My fear of getting arrested for disturbing the public peace.

We live in a society.

Because those hunks never survived the movie.

not being a hunk, for starters... but also it looks uncomfortable

Being the first or second victim is a pretty good disincentive

No way, this is like wearing the red shirt in Star Trek.

Because it’s considered “lewd” and “indecent” when I do it and I’m not allowed within 500 yards of schools anymore.

I work IT in a construction yard and dont like the oil and slurry shit getting on my thighs when I have to fix the internet in the wash bay. Weekends are fair game but I'm a twink not a hunk so the pull off is different.

Lotta people here have some body dismorphia

It does seem like short shorts are coming back.

High fructose corn syrup

Self-respect mostly (at least what's left of it).

My fragile masculinity 😔

I don't want to look at my disgusting flesh-body and I'd rather nobody else saw it either. Rebuild me shiny and chrome, then we'll talk about showing off.

Dad bod.

Exercise

I mean, my big fat body, mostly.

My wife.

I dress like this in the summer as a nonbinary person