chat

The other day, I was questioned on whether I "actually am a leftist", by a friend. After I nervously answered fairly basic questions such as believing in healthcare and collective labor, they weren't convinced. Ever since that day, I felt like I couldn't be a leftist, especially since I lost any confidence in my ability to be "better" according to that person's standards. If I couldn't satisfy their standards that one time, what would be the point of trying to read theory and trying again? Yes I admit, I haven't tried to read theory. I have no confidence that I would do it correctly.

This is why you're supposed to join an org. Most serious orgs have an onboarding process where you'll be taught basic precepts and foundational texts of the ideology embraced by that particular org. You'll also be assigned to do work by the org, and be build up to become someone who embodies the ideals of the org. You have imposter syndrome because you haven't done anything to advance the emancipatory project, and you haven't done anything to advance the emancipatory project because you are not part of an org.

Unless you're some rich multimillionaire quietly funding underground Maoist insurgent cells, you'll not be able to contribute unless you're part of an org. If there are no suitable orgs near you, your responsibility is to either create your own org or support other orgs. Creating your own org is self-explanatory in a "draw the rest of the fucking owl" sense. Supporting other orgs can range from financially supporting them to doing agiprop for them. Even if you're the only leftist in a sea of Christofascists, you can still contribute to the cause. But you can't do this on your own. None of us can.

I don’t think so, my beliefs are a dadaistic incoherent mess on purpose and nobody has said anything

Not everybody is a debate bro. That's okay.

Not everybody comes to the conclusion that being a communist or socialist or humanist or antifascist through rigorous theory reading and debate. It can be okay to take these things on faith alone if that's all you've got right now.

Learning theory and reading/watching debates can be good for hardening your position against potential self doubt. Learning theory can be good in showing you that "Nope, nothing that I'm thinking or feeling is new. I'm not alone. Here's what others that came before me learned and have passed down as an act of solidarity with a future that they will never see." But it can be difficult to get started, keep up with it, or retain what the lessons were. And there's nothing wrong with that.

Shit, I've spent the last two weeks trying to read Marx's, Capital - Volume 1. Wanna know how far I am?

Page 39.

...

...

...

And the actual text doesn't start until page 27 of the copy I'm reading.

You're fine comrade. We're all libs here.

You've got imposter syndrome. Lots of people have it. It's just our brains working against us to exaggerate our sense of inadequacy and then use this to get in the way of doing entirely reasonable and feasible things like reading some books.

For context, to be a socialist means recognizing the falsehoods of liberalism and working against them. Liberalism is hegemonic, though, so that means defenders of liberalism only need to rely on prevailing wisdom and clichés while we inevitably need to know a bunch of stuff to get through to them. Though don't be fooled by that one condescending person! If they were in any way competemt or purposeful about building socialism they would have supported you in joining their way of seeing things, not made you feel like you aren't even a leftist - assuming you weren't saying anything highly reactionary. Anyone that regularly does org work with community recognizes the liberal impulse to dunk on people that don't need dunking on and trains their members to not do that.

I've known lots of people in your boat. The only way I've ever seen them work through it is by building confidence by doing work with an org and by reading the theory that had made them insecure to not know. Not that it was easy. Some did org work and felt insecure for over a year because they didn't dedicate time to reading. But once they did, they felt better and better. I think it helps that other people they felt intimidated by didn't actually know that much, that just reading 3 books put them in a better place to understand theory than the person that made them feel less than. For example, one person's critic was a Trot that wasn't even in an org doing anything and had a series of bad takes that became obvious in hindsight.

Something that helps is by not letting org work or reading be too big of a hurdle. You don't need to run a committee or read Das Kapital right away.

Here is a doable alternative for org work: identify an org by going to an action and asking how you can help. It's okay to dip your toes in. If all you do is support other people in the org by being nice to them and helping out with logistics (taking notes, transporting materials, etc) you will still be very helpful!

Here is a doable alternative for reading theory: read 1 (1) short book over the next few months. Something like Blackshirts and Reads that is written in modern language and is low on jargon. Take some notes on key ideas in each chapter that resonated with you, or just some bullet points.

Okay my comment is getting too long so I'll wrap it up. Don't think of my comment as just saying, "go read theory", because I'm not nagging you or being flippant! I'm still suggesting reading but it is because this is a good way to break through how you are feeling. In this case, you can make the impossible feel possible by doing it in small pieces and at your own pace. And you should also forgive yourself both for your perceived inadequacy (it is valid to feel overwhelmed) and for your reticence. These are common feelings but you don't deserve them. You're already wanting to fight the good fight, there are just some barriers, and, like most people, one of them is your own brain!

Please feel free to PM me if you prefer that, I have worked with and mentored many people in your boat. Replying (or not) here is also totally cool.

Yes I admit, I haven't tried to read theory. I have no confidence that I would do it correctly.

two points. first, the only incorrect way to read theory is to not read it. even if you don't understand 100% of a book -- hell, even if you only understand 25% of a book the first time you read it -- you can still get a lot out of it and become a better, more informed leftist. second, theory is only one side of the coin. what makes a good leftist is a combination of theory and praxis that inform each other, so if you're still really that worried about not being able to read theory, getting out and actually contributing to a leftist cause will both help you feel like you're a Good Leftist and make reading theory more approachable, bc praxis informs theory and vice versa

Death to America

If you hate capitalism and injustice with a burning passion that's all you need to be leftist in my book.

@mathemachristian@hexbear.net already linked my basic beginner guide in this thread so I won't spam it. Instead, I'll leave you with advice for if you never read theory, as much as I think you should.

Don't speak on what you haven't thoroughly investigated. If that is, say, whether or not revolution is required, don't immediately say yes or no, or even say that you think revolution is required but aren't sure. This sounds mean, but I promise, this right here will eliminate the vast majority of any real bullying you could come across. You can learn the answers to those questions by reading theory but also by listening to others.

Secondly, browse effort-posts and the News Mega. Just see what people are saying, and try to look up online what you aren't familiar with.

Third, just have fun in the general megathread and hobby comms like c/games! Those are just comfy and cozy.

We're all liberals here, so no worries

The important thing is to engage in a continual process of learning and self-education, so that you can engage in correct practice. Liberals don't have to do this because a. we're constantly bathed in propaganda that disseminates their worldview and b. they don't want to change the world in any meaningful way. You can pick up a lot by just hanging out with other leftists here and listening and chatting, but eventually you will want to read theory to better understand why they think the the things they do. Better yet, join an org irl, engage in political education through them and put it into practice.

At the end of the day, leftism isn't something you are, it's something you do.

Nah, I don't meet theirs as well. Just be economically socialist, superstructurally progressive, and foreign policy-wise anti-western

Just learn a handful of quotes and drop them here and there in discussions, no one will notice that you haven't read theory